Another thing I’ve been thinking about lately when I’ve been reading through everyone else’s blogs is that I’m a terrible mum-to-be. I’m sure I’m supposed to be doing all this other stuff but I’ve actually found nothing in the literature we’ve been given, and I’m sure that there’s something around living a super healthy life that I’ve somehow missed, and then I start catastrophising and thinking it will be my fault when it doesn’t work out.
Here is a list of all the reasons why I’m not doing a very good job:
1) I haven’t given up alcohol. I’m not entirely sure whether I should have done or not, and nobody’s actually told me that I should have done, but I’ve still had the odd drink. I’m in the down regulation phase so I’m not sure whether it’s essential that I do. I have a job where I am expected to drink at functions and things, and it would be a bit difficult not to without raising questions. I am definitely going to make up some excuses around not drinking in the next few weeks – eg when I have my egg harvesting (fingers crossed). But I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have drunk anything alcoholic. Then again… Pretty much everyone I know was still drinking when they got pregnant (naturally). And a lot of people who blog about IVF haven’t. So who knows what is right or wrong?
2) I haven’t lost weight. If anything, I’ve gained a huge amount of weight over the last year or two due to being in a settled happy relationship and having a rather poor work life balance which involves getting home late at night and shoving the first thing that comes to hand into one’s gob. In many cases this involves the use of the Dominos app in the taxi on the way home at 22:30. Not a very healthy way of going about things. In the old days, I used to get up super early and go for a jog, and still be in at my desk by 07:25. But I am tired all the time now and I don’t feel up to jogging, especially when I have pints of blood emanating from my hoo hoo. Then again… Most of the mothers I know are more overweight than I am, and I was probably underweight to begin with. And I know others who had trouble getting pregnant due to being underweight. Apparently it’s better to be slightly overweight than underweight when it comes to fertility, and anyway my fertility problems have remained constant throughout my weight changes, so I don’t think they had an overriding bearing on fertility. Also, I would rather be slightly fat and happy than skinny and miserable and smoking 20 cigarettes a day!
3) I haven’t de-stressed my life. I have a hugely stressful job. I work most of the time, and even when I get home I’m usually having to respond to things – like this weekend. I’ve tried to find jobs with a better work life balance, but for now I’m stuck in this very high pressure job where I’m constantly working, and then at the weekend I try to have a sleep. I probably get about 4 hours a sleep on average during the week, with very little down time because that would eat into sleep time! All the mothers I know seem to have a lovely time at home with their babies and they complain if they get fewer than 6 hours sleep a night! Then again… I have to contribute towards my household income and it would be even more stressful not to be able to pay rent! Unless we win the lottery, I will still need to be bringing in the dosh. And I do quite enjoy my job, even if there are aspects I don’t enjoy. And one day maybe I’ll get offered another less stressful job, and it will seem like a holiday!
4) I am not doing any yoga, meditation, pilates or anything that involves lycra. As with the above… I really don’t know where I’d get time to do any nice classes or whatever. I mean, they’re usually during the week, which is a write off because I’m at work, or they’re on Saturday/Sunday mornings, which I try to reserve for sleep catch up. So that ain’t happening. Then again… I do go for reasonably length walks at the weekend. And I have to walk around at work, and I try to take the stairs when I can. Just because I can’t get my lardy backside into leggings and persuade myself that morning jogs are a good idea, doesn’t mean I’ll never have a baby. I don’t know that many people who’ve done both. I’m pretty sure that fertility doesn’t depend on eastern philosophies or lycra.
5) I’ve not researched that much. Really! I have been skimming through the blogosphere and there seems to be a preponderance of acronyms that I’m supposed to get my head around. And I’m really not up there with it. I know IVF and I know NHS but that’s about it… I have no idea what all the others are, apart from I figured out that there’s something called 2WW. Then again… I’m the kind of person who tries not to worry about things I have no control over. I take in waaaay too much information and get information overload, and I quite like the way that our treatment information is given in digestible chunks. I read through the full info pack again last night so I know the info’s there if I need it, but it’s good to know I just have to concentrate on one thing at a time.
There are probably loads more reasons why I’m terrible and I should probably be beating myself up about it. But you know what? Ain’t nobody got time for that.