Hello! Well after my outburst last week (Day 43) I have to apologise to everyone who read it and thought “What is this nutter on about?” as I was feeling at the end of my tether. I am now feeling a bit more human!
What actually happened is I ended up working until super late on Friday night – I mean it was about 01:00 by the time I finished, and I couldn’t even see straight! But I finished it… and then I logged off! 🙂
And I didn’t check in for the whole weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow… I actually slept. And it’s amazing what a bit of sleep will do in terms of making a person feel like an actual human.
The upshot of it is: I managed to spend a teensy bit of quality time with T and Dog. And I dozed on the sofa for a good proportion of it. And I ate pizza (one of my favourite things to do, short of drinking wine, which I managed to hold off!). And I just sort of caught up on being human again.
I know most of my friends say “Why on earth are you doing these hours?”, “Why don’t you quit your job?” etc etc but it’s not that easy when you have financial commitments. It’s especially not easy when you don’t have any time to look for another job because you’re spending all your time in your current job! Anyway, I’m hoping that it’s all going to calm down again after this week so I can try and get a bit more balance in my life.
In terms of Nahpoopo or being pregnant (or not) until proven otherwise, I have to say that I am holding out very little hope. I’ve done that thing of getting super fat (possibly through eating for two even though there is no two involved, or possibly through comfort eating… I think we all know which one is more likely) but I haven’t had any twinges or anything or any real sense of feeling different at all. Which leads me to believe it couldn’t possibly be happening. Because I reckon I would feel different. I still feel a bit booby and a bit bloated but I really think that’s more a side effect of the meds and the Crinone than anything else.
So… I guess we are really prepping for a no show. I don’t want to get my hopes up (though part of me hopes that it really is happening even though I’ve had no symptoms) and it just doesn’t seem realistic to be pregnant right now. I mean everyone I know who’s been pregnant has had actual symptoms and I just feel the same as I ever do, ie tired and fat. So that’s that really.
I’ve planned not to go into the office on Monday which is when we are due to test. That will be Day 53 on our IVF journey (from the first cycle day) and it seems like a really long time to have been doing it. I guess that’s coming up for two months so it is quite a long time. In some ways it seems like we have been doing it forever, and in others it seems like just a part of everyday life. (I think I’m getting philosophical in my old age, or perhaps it’s just tiredness!)
Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t feel very hopeful about it. Not in a despairing way because I’ve been careful not to get my hopes up, but more in a “I just can’t see it happening” way. I wish it would happen because I’m not sure I want to go through it all again, but equally I guess we have no control over whether it works or doesn’t work. And if it doesn’t happen, it already hasn’t happened, if you get what I mean. I just haven’t managed to get pregnant… again… ever. So it’s no great change.
So come on folks – tell me what you’ve been up to and share some good news stories please! I’d love to hear about the good things in life! 🙂