Reblog: What Goes Through Your Mind: On Nice Parties and Casual Racism

“She probably meant no offense; she just forgot her manners or, more likely, slipped and gave voice to the truth she believes, the truth that lives in her head. Unlike her, I didn’t have the luxury of forgetting myself or my place.”

Read more What Goes Through Your Mind: On Nice Parties and Casual Racism…



  1. Courtney

    Thank you for sharing. The comments were interesting to read as week as the main article. I like, “what do you mean?” as a response, and from a white person at the table. I’m totally that person with my parents- they say some stupid shit and I’m the fun killer. I had to break it to them that, “bet me, Buckwheat,” is racist, and this was after my husband broke it to me (I didn’t know who buckwheat was, but my parents do). They told me I’m too serious. That’s the type of house I grew up in. Sigh.


  2. circumstance227

    Interesting article – I just felt bad that the author lost so much sleep over this woman’s comment and her own response. There are many types of stupidity, of which racism is a big one, but this woman obviously owns several of them. When would a thinking person ever make a comment about someone’s appearance at a dinner party unless it was to compliment him/her? Just imagine. “Do people tell you that you wear too much make-up? You must get that ALL the time!” or “Do people tell you that you should lose weight? You must get that ALL the time!” It was rude in more than just a racist way. “Uh . . . no.” was enough of a response.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. love family money food

    Ah, reminds me of my thanksgiving when my white mother in law told my family of South American immigrants how she believes Donald Trump will really turn the U.S. Around.

    Mind you, one of the primary identifiers of the downfall of the U.S., according to Trump, are families just like mine.

    I love a good political argument but in that circumstance the pressure to keep the peace and to not embarrass my mother in law won out.

    It felt very bad though. Not only did I feel complicit in her racism by not challenging it I also felt complicit in any insult that it may be conveyed to my beloved family.

    Thank goodness another white person, my cousins husband, challenged her. I think sometimes white people need to call out the casual racism of other white people. As right as non-white people may be our opinion will always be “too-sensitive” or arouse defensiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. flatwhitetogo85

    I’m gobsmacked. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. I agree that the response “what do you mean?” (said with an innocent look) is a good response, then enjoy watching them squirm 🙂


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