IVF 2: Commando, incognito, PUPO!

So, as of today I’m officially PUPO! (For the uninitiated, this is less like “pupate” which is what a caterpillar does as it tries to become a butterfly, and more like the rather silly named Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. Although it would be nice to turn into something, maybe.) Today was the day of our embryo transfer.
First up, I’ll put you out of your misery. We transferred one 3BB blastocyst, which is apparently the same as we did last time (which ended up in pregnancy and miscarriage). None of the others were of sufficient quality to freeze – they were all still at “the cellular stage” as in they hadn’t gotten to blastocyst stage yet. So that kind of sucks. 

The embryologist was really nice and explained things to us and answered my questions. She said she advised against putting back any of the others as that might affect implantation of our “good” blastocyst. However this is pretty much an NHS guideline that they waive on your final round, so they said if this doesn’t work we’d be allowed to try two next time. Just the thought of another IVF cycle makes me weary.

Commando

There is something very funny about the whole embryo transfer process. For one thing you’re meant to have a full bladder, but when they were running an hour late that meant I was almost about to get a burst one. I was doing so well, but then had to go and let a bit out. This is almost worse than holding it, as it’s so unnatural to cut off mid flow! I managed it. Sometimes I wonder if they actually do need a full bladder and just do it to keep our minds on other things. It’s meant to push the uterus into the right position but whatever; everyone’s uterus is shaped differently so I’m not sure how much more difficult it would be if the patient wasn’t about to wet herself!

I forgot from the first time round that we both have robes and hats this time, which is funny, although T didn’t have to take all his clothes off whereas I did. That is NOT a sexy feeling. Legs akimbo, light shining in your v*gina… It’s about the most exposed you’re ever going to be. T joked that it’s his preferred position – although I don’t think there’s usually a light or a speculum involved!

How do I feel? I feel strangely subdued.

First of all, I had a complete weird turn last night. I just couldn’t sleep at all. I mean, at all. I was still wide awake at 05:30. I estimate I got 1 hour of sleep and maybe half an hour of dozing. I used the time to think, try to sleep, stress out slightly, try to sleep, look up stats and dates and medication interactions, try to sleep, and finally I had a little sleep. Turns out Prednisolone is a known insomnia agent and I stupidly took it late the previous day, because I had a lie in. BAD IDEA. So even though I could have had a lie in today, I got up and took the darned stuff because I sure as hell don’t want insomnia tonight.

Dr S had actually warned me about not being able to sleep, due to the prednisolone side effects, but I figured it wouldn’t be that bad and I can get by on very little sleep anyway. Because you have to take it after the Omeprazole (indigestion relief which you take to prevent the prednisolone giving you indigestion…! Complicated!) I didn’t take it until about 12:30 yesterday, which was a very bad idea. Also a bad idea was the coffee I had in the afternoon, because we were tidying the kitchen and I thought what the heck, I’m not pregnant yet and one coffee isn’t going to kill me. I wasn’t wrong and it didn’t kill me but the extended wakefulness was extremely irritating.

One of the things I’ve been thinking/feeling and discussing with T is how infertility (the b****) has robbed us of the innocence of enjoying a pregnancy. I know that my two week wait and pregnancy test won’t be the end of it. I know that’s just the beginning. I won’t even be happy to get a positive test because I know how much can go wrong. I know how our last identically graded “good” blastocyst ended up. I feel like even if we get a positive test, it won’t mean anything. T says he doesn’t even think it counts as something to get excited about until birth(!). I think we are still so bruised from the last experience.

Incognito

Speaking of bruises, the nosy nurse kept commenting on my stomach bruises and I realised that it’s not that easy to hide the fact that I’m doing the immune protocol. As part of that I have the heparin injections which bruise really badly. She kept asking “Are you on any other medication?” and I said no. Total lie but the NHS doesn’t rate immune treatment and it was safer not to tell them. That’s actually a bit stressful but what can you do? I will go through all that pain to try and have a live baby. Maybe it doesn’t work but it doesn’t do any harm. Apart from the giant bruises. I mean, they’re clearly not from the last stims 5 days ago. Note to self: If I ever do it again, the heparin goes in the right thigh or buttock – away from the nurse! She had to expose my stomach to do the belly ultrasound to guide the catheter in and there was no hiding it. She even asked a few times but I wasn’t saying anything. 

It’s a little bit frustrating to have to lie about treatment but given they won’t sanction it and the immune stuff is private (which could jeopardise NHS funding) I’m not willing to risk it.

PUPO!!

So… Our embryo’s inside, chilling out (well, hopefully settling in). This is the first step of so many. It’s sort of overwhelming to think how far there is to go, and yet people do it and it works for some of them. Could this be our turn? Our test date is next Saturday which seems like ages away. Also tricky as my sister (who had the similar experience after us last year) is in town on that day so I feel like I’m going to deal with the pregnancy test and then seeing them… I don’t know how I’m going to hold it together. She suggested inviting my brother and I firmly vetoed it. I really do not need a day with kids if I get a negative pregnancy test.

I’m still wondering whether to test early. I didn’t last time but I feel like everything is different this time and I sort of want to prepare myself mentally if it is negative. I know you can get a false negative though. Last time the line kept getting stronger and it still led to a miscarriage so half of me thinks there’s no point. I guess I’m sounding very negative here and it’s possibly a combination of this sh*t actually happening and the realisation that this is chance 2 of 3 down the drain if it doesn’t, and probably lack of sleep! I’m sure I am affected by all the meds so that can’t be helping much. I just keep hoping that this is it for us… This is finally our time.

I’m chilling out at home this afternoon as it’s a bank holiday in the UK – Dog is lying on my legs snoring, which is how it should be. Later we are going to the cinema and then to dinner for date night. And then I’ll try and not obsess about what may or may not happen. There’s nothing I can do now…

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60 comments

  1. Courtney

    Hooray for a successful transfer! I know you wanted some to freeze, and I know you’re disappointed and I am disappointed for you too. BUT… It only takes one! Bryson was a 4BA (he was a day 6 blast). His embryonic cells (the B) were the same as yours and I blame them for his whiny attitude(Matthew was an A and he’s never whined) – HA! Get some good rest!!! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My Perfect Breakdown

    I’m so glad the transfer went well and that you are pupo! I so hope this one is all it takes and in 9ish months you will be sleep deprived and snuggling you own little one! (Here I am again wishing you something that sounds so odd, but hey that’s just the way it works). Sending you so much love my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. wonkygenes

    Woo hoo congratulations!! I’m taking prednisone this time so good to know about side effects (I managed to convince my Dr about it last week even though he thinks it’ll do nothing and even shouted at me about it…shouting in these situations is pretty normal in Italy so trying to ignore that bit). GOOD LUCK! Got everything crossed for you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. TryTryAgain

    Brilliant news, so hopeful that this is it for you guys! Sorry to hear about the prednisolone – it does get easier though! Definitely take it as soon after the omeprazole as you can (from memory I think I did omeprazole as soon as I woke up, breakfast 30mins after and pred 30mins after that – but check with Louise just in case). If you take it too late you’ll definitely be wide awake again. Fingers and everything else well and truly crossed for you!! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      I’ve been taking it earlier now and haven’t had such bad insomnia this time. I do have a constant low level headache though which is annoying. I’ve started taking the Omeprazole straight away as soon as I get up and then I take the prednisolone once I’m up. Plus all the other supplements 2 hours later, argh!

      Can’t believe you are GIVING BIRTH tomorrow! Amazing! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • TryTryAgain

        That’s good news. You do get used to all of the drugs, but stick with taking the pred early or else you’re wide awake all night!! Ill be thinking of you and hoping for good news ๐Ÿ™‚ xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  5. flatwhitetogo85

    Glad to hear you’re out of hospital and back with Dog!

    I’m sorry about the rubbish sleep and I’m sorry you didn’t get any frosties, BUT you did get a pretty decent blastocyst so there’s a lot to feel good about! Fingers crossed this is your time. I can only imagine how nerve wracking the next two weeks will be. Good luck x x x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. countyourselfunlucky

    Congratulations! I really hope this works!… I know it is a random question but have you considered testing a day late? I’ve done it in the past when I haven’t wanted to test on the official test day (for reasons I now forget) but maybe it might help to ease the pressure if you’re seeing your sister. I dunno just a thought… anyway great news on your transfer, yay for you ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Arwen

    Yay for pupo!!! I know it must be really hard to be hopeful but try to just take it one step at a time, this is one huge hurdle crossed. Huge hugs lovely Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. AKL

    That feeling of not being confident is real. I know it only too well. All you can do now is rest well, eat well and apparently it’s important to keep your feet warm! Some Chinese medicine thing that is but TRY IT ANYWAY because what’s to lose! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Amy M.

    Hooray for being PUPO! It’s such a strange place to be, I understand! Try to stay positive about things though. Whether you test at home before your beta isn’t going to change the outcome, so don’t beat yourself up about that one way or the other. I’m just too impatient, and I couldn’t wait a full 2 weeks lol. Are you feeling better physically today? Has the swelling gone down?? Thinking of you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Yes the swelling has gone down… Weirdly my boobs even feel smaller today I think. How odd. I’m trying to feel positive but it’s hard… I don’t want to be second guessing symptoms either!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. EmilyMaine

    Weeeeeeee! Baby is in the bunker. Yay! Wishing you the speediest of 2WWs. The first trimester will suck, I won’t lie, but it passes and you do get a bit of excitement mixed in their with the fear as well. It actually isn’t too bad. Oh and my clinic did t transfer with a full bladder however that meant I did have to have dildo cam AND the transfer tube inserted AT THE SAME TIME. So the full bladder thing must help them see on a tummy scan xx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. The EcoFeminist

    The full bladder thing is so they can get a better view of the uterus when they’ve got the ultrasound on your tummy since it adjusts things a wee bit, but my doc told me today that it’s ultimately a “nice to have” as if they’ve been “in there” before they know where to place it whether they have a visual or not. Good luck and hope the test shows pregnant in a couple weeks! (Mine have always been done on day 9 with a day 5 blastocyst…do you have to wait a full 14 days??)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      We have been told to test on the 14th so just under 2 weeks. I have a feeling I may do a test the day before, just to prepare myself for a negative result as I’m seeing my sister on the day and I want to be able to cope!

      Like

  12. thegreatpuddingclubhunt

    Yipppeee for PUPO! I’m excited for you transferring a 3BB! Snap!!

    I am really sorry you didn’t have any embies left to freeze, I know how gutting it is…but hopefully you won’t ever need to do this again!!

    Your poor tummy, well done for handling the nurse pressure about other meds!! I’d have caved!!! I still had bruises from the Lupron on my transfer day so I don’t think it is totally out of the norm.
    Maybe you could test one day early before your sister arrives?
    I hate that It’s so hard even with a positive to be positive after everything infertility throws at us. Infertility you suck. ๐Ÿ˜’
    In the mean time, you have an awesome protocol to help that little one stick, so I’m very hopeful for you ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Yes I think I am going to test the day before just so I can prepare myself in case it is negative. Tbh right now I am feeling really overwhelmed and worried. I can’t really concentrate. T says to be positive but I find it so hard! I am sticking to the protocol though so hopefully it will do something…

      Like

  13. notabroodychick

    Funny how prednisolone affects people differently, I had no side effects from it at all! Sending my best wishes and lots of luck that this is yours and T’s time! May the 2WW also be kind to you and not drive you too loopy with the waiting!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      I think it depends on the dosage. My dosage is quite high – 25mg. I see online that a lot of people’s is lower than that. Anyway I think what also didn’t help was the coffee so I’m steering clear! As for loopy – I’m already there!

      Like

      • notabroodychick

        That’s the dose I was on too. Sorry you are loopy already and not feeling confident in this go. Try to believe, believe, believe, believe! I swear it somehow helps. The Zita west meditations for the two week wait helped me (they are on iTunes).

        Like

      • Nara

        Thanks! My sleeping has improved since the terrible night’s sleep! I’ve made sure to take them pretty early. And I’m used to not sleeping that much anyway.

        Like

    • Nara

      I think I may do it the day before just to prepare myself for the actual day. In the UK we just do a home pregnancy test – we don’t do betas. They tell us when to test!

      Like

  14. Ash

    Oh Nara this is so exciting! I’m so sorry that no frosties made it but this one definitely could be it (please, please, please be the one)!!! It must be so hard to be positive after your last experience…I know I’ll be in the same boat in a few months, and I’m certainly not looking forward to the anxiety! I hope time flies between now and then. Enjoy chilling out with dog & be kind to yourself xo

    Liked by 1 person

  15. mum100blog

    Dearest Nara, well done for this latest achievement on your journey. You should be very proud of yourself for the resilience and courage you’ve shown. Do EVERYTHING that makes you happy right now (apart from booze and cartwheels, obviously!) – sending so much love. A little prayer for you – Dear Mother Nature, please bless Nara and T with a strong embie that tucks in safely, lots of love from Mum 100 x x x x

    Liked by 1 person

  16. babydreamsandlove

    Yay! Now your in the club again too!! Lets hope our little embryos snuggle in and get cozy! All the best for the wait till test day! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Surviving Infertility

    Hooray for PUPO! I know what u mean about testing early. We have had dark lines and still miscarried, but I think I like preparing myself mentally for a negative beta. Its a tough call by all means. Hopin your wait is wonderful and flies by!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. dubliner in deutschland

    Oh good luck! Here in Germany they make you pee then they give you a full glass of water to drink and then you wait about an hour for your transfer. So your bladder is fullish but not that uncomfortable.

    Like

  19. ashleykyleanderson

    Just wanted to say that we had identically graded embryos as well with completely different results! ๐Ÿ™‚ Where’s the embryo pic?? I want to see the little one I’m praying for! Give Dog a hug for me. xx

    Like

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