I’ve been trying to psych myself up to get my head around a possible negative test this Saturday (the day we have been told to test). In the UK we don’t do betas like in the US/elsewhere from what I can gather. We just do one home pregnancy test on an “official” date, and the date we were given is this Saturday which is 12dp5dt. For those of you who didn’t know what the numbers mean (WTF with the IVF acronyms?!) this means 12 days past 5 day transfer. Usually here in the UK they transfer on day 3 or day 5. My clinic prefers to transfer on day 5.
So my week is shaping up like this:
Monday 7dp5dt (TODAY)
Wednesday 9dp5dt – This is when Dr Google says the Americans first beta test
Saturday 12dp5dt – This is when my NHS clinic told me to test
Anyway, I’ve been feeling… I don’t know… Something this week. And I was thinking I would test a day or two “early” because I’m seeing my sister on Saturday and I kind of want to know if I need to put my happy face on.
I actually go to the bathroom through the night lots of times (TMI I know, but the tests always say use FMU, which is first morning urine, and I wonder if that actually means first thing when you get up or one of the five or so times I go overnight).
So T went off to work this morning and I thought what the heck, I’m going to do a test. Because today is 7dp5dt and so if it’s negative it’s not a definite no, and I can still have a bit of hope that it might turn positive.
So this happened…
That’s not even a squinter!
I sent it in a iMessage to T who was like “Eh, what does this mean?!” (I think that means he’s cautiously happy.)
Funnily enough I don’t feel happy as such at all. I feel like, so I’m going to test on Wednesday (American test day) and hope it’s darker. And then Saturday (UK test day) and hope that’s darker still.
I honestly don’t feel happy… I feel relieved that at least this next stage of waiting and hoping isn’t closed off just yet. And I feel like at least I’m slightly justified in feeling a tiny bit greedy (ha). And I know there’s still weeks and weeks and weeks of hoping to go, and hoping that this sticks. But I feel scared that it won’t. That it will either be a chemical pregnancy / missed miscarriage or a first trimester miscarriage like before. Argh. T is much the same. He thinks we shouldn’t “count” anything until the official test day at least, and then not set our hopes on anything happening until we reach 12 weeks at least. We’ve been burned before by hope so we are keeping everything low for now.
Meanwhile I’m sticking religiously to my meds (Crinone, immune meds etc) and hoping that whatever I’m taking will help this little baby to stick around for 9 months.
But anyway, for today it looks like things are going in the right direction.