IVF 2: Could this be happening?

You may have seen my last post with the crazy early pregnancy test at 7dp5dt (7 days past 5 day transfer). Well, I wasn’t really sure when I was going to test again, but then T suggested that I might as well (because he enjoys seeing the positive tests!) and that we needed at least to get to what we’re calling “American Test Day” (today: 9dp5dt). Our official test day is Saturday and I wanted to know beforehand as I’m seeing my sister, so want to be able to prepare myself.

Anyway, here’s the progression…


Hope you enjoy the garish pink writing!

So it’s 9dp5dt today. I have kind of used FMU for yesterday’s and today’s, although as I mentioned in my last post, this point is somewhat moot as I tend to go to the bathroom about a million times a night. (Gosh knows how I will ever cope if I get to a more advanced stage of pregnancy… I will need adult nappies perhaps. Or a chamber pot!)

Today is “American Test Day” which means that unless something goes horribly wrong then it should still hold for official British test day (Saturday), by which time I can confirm to the NHS that I’ve had a positive test, and I can try and hope and wish for the pregnancy to stick until the first scan, which is usually around 7 weeks I think (ages away).

Meanwhile today I cracked open my larger bra. (I bought some larger bras of the very boring bras I like to wear during my last pregnancy, but never managed to get to wearing them on a regular basis after I miscarried.) It is A RELIEF. Seriously I was spilling over the other ones.

I’m actually finding the weight gain really depressing and I know that I shouldn’t be complaining but I am. It’s stressing me out big time. This is because due to the IVF (first cycle which ended in miscarriage) I was already carrying around 10kg of extra weight. I managed to lose a bit of this before starting this cycle – I had a diet in the new year and lost about 4.5kg, which I was feeling quite happy with. But since starting IVF cycle 2 I have put on loads. I mean it’s more like 8kg. It’s REALLY bothering me. I don’t feel myself at all.

Of course if this ends up in a baby I will be home and hosed (as they say). It is worth it if I have a baby, and it’s an acceptable amount of weight to put on in pregnancy (I’m hoping if it actually happens the excess flab will be sucked up by baby weight). But it’s totally NOT okay if I end up miscarrying again. Added to which I just don’t feel myself and it’s really messing with my self-image. For example it’s taking me ages to decide what to wear in the mornings because I can’t fit into a load of stuff without it making me look pregnant. (Ironic.) At least the lovely coffee barista where I work (I love him; he’s super friendly and gives me free hot chocolate quite often, haha) asked me if I was going out somewhere because “You look nice today”. Bless him. (I think because I was feeling so terrible I wore bright pink lipstick today. My face is round. I am a blob.)

My boobs are absolutely humungous which when you’re short makes you look dumpy. And my stomach is the largest it’s ever been. T has also commented on it and told me I shouldn’t get too fat(!) which has messed with my head a bit because he always usually makes me feel great about myself. He didn’t say it in a horrible way (before you jump on him! He’s the perfect partner most of the time!) but more in a “Don’t let yourself get lazy and sit around turning into a blob” way (as I have a tendency to sit around stuffing my face!). Oh dear. Well anyway so that’s also making me feel bad. Although he did say he meant when I’m not pregnant and that pregnancy does not count as fat.

I suppose my main thought processes right now are around whether this pregnancy could actually stick. It feels really weird for me right now. I worked out (using the Pregnancy app I had previously turned off/moved to a back page on my phone) that according to workings out I am supposedly 4 weeks pregnant today. Crazy. Another 2 months to go until the “safe zone” (I’m sure nothing is actually safe). I read through some of my old blogs last night and realised I felt so much more positive last time that I was actually pregnant, whereas now I don’t feel positive AT ALL. I don’t feel negative… I just feel sort of neutral. Like I don’t want to get excited until at least 12 weeks. And I know enough sad stories that have happened after 12 weeks. I feel like at least if I get to 12 weeks then I’d feel justified in telling people.

And then more baby things… I went to see my friend who has the 9 month old baby. It was fine actually. I guess that these things you get used to as an infertile. It was weird to think “I’m actually pregnant” (as even if it doesn’t get far, I’m pregnant for now). She was totally digging a bit but I didn’t say anything about being pregnant. She even said something about not wanting to not ask, because assuming makes people feel bad. (I was thinking “How about you just don’t ask?” But I know she didn’t mean it in a horrible way.) The group of friends in that group, who all went to uni together, all have babies apart from me. The other two have 2 babies each and she has one. So I’m definitely the odd one out, and last time we all got together (they live a long way away), two were pregnant and one was breastfeeding so I was a bit like “Shut up already about babies” and I told them I had fertility problems, so that’s probably why she was trying to be sympathetic. 

Anyway she mentioned how she’d realised that lots of people have fertility problems and one of her friends was seeing “some immune guy” and then said where it was (outside of London) and I was like “Doctor S”! Her friend is currently pregnant and seeing Dr S and on an immune protocol which my friend then proceeded to tell me all about (steroids for natural killer cells). I thought then and there I could just tell her but I really couldn’t be bothered to get into it. Anyway it was funny to think! We ended up meeting at a shopping centre and going round EVERY BABY STORE. But it was okay. I honestly am that friend who’s used to being the childless one. I suppose it’s slightly easier thinking I’m pregnant for now.

Also there’s other great news which is that Try Try Again (who first put me in touch with Dr S) has had her baby! A son! So happy for her! And actually the reason why I’m seeing my sister this weekend is that they are staying the weekend in London and going to see Dr S on Monday. So it’s all round good business for Dr S!

T is still kind of sceptical about the whole immunology stuff but I kind of don’t care if it’s cobblers, as long as it works. I have booked in next week for my first post pregnancy IV as I’m supposed to have another dose of the intralipids. I’m literally not taking any chances. Throwing the whole immunology book at it! I don’t care! Apparently I have to keep taking all the drugs until at least 12 weeks. The progesterone (Crinone) gel I’m still on every morning and as we say in certain parts of the UK, it’s minging! (Gross.) But the rest I am sort of used to – lots of tablets / capsules plus the heparin injections. One of the things I’m worried about is ‘fessing up that I am taking heparin but I don’t know what to say about that really. They do TV scans until you graduate to the normal doctor (at 12 weeks I think) so they probably won’t concentrate on my belly (where I have mega bruises from the heparin) until then. Maybe I need to get some sort of guidance from Dr S. I’m not really thinking that far ahead right now. We’re taking it as it comes.


That’s just a selection of my daily meds. I also have Omeprazole for indigestion (for the steroids) and heparin injections every evening. So the next stage is to get to our first scan which is usually done between 6 and 7 weeks. (There is the “official test” on Saturday also. But hoping that I’m still pregnant then.)  If it measures okay then (our first one was inconclusive last time so we had to go back a week later, even though there was a heartbeat) we then start waiting and hoping for the 12 week scan. I think Dr S might give more scans in between but I don’t know yet – I guess I’ll find that out when I go for the intralipids infusion next week.

The other thing is, I’ve been feeling quite nauseous. I don’t know what this is and whether it’s related to the pregnancy. Maybe it’s just that I am being accustomed to being greedy (I’m just trying to go with anything food related right now as I feel so bad generally) but I keep feeling a bit sick. Last pregnancy I had this sort of… Metallic taste in my mouth and I’ve noticed that a bit. I wonder if that’s just the folic acid (in the Pregnacare I take) or something. I’m not sure. I definitely have had that taste for just over a week and now I’m even feeling a bit queasy, and I can’t tell if it’s greed or hormones. I looked up online and it’s too early for morning sickness (and I’m barely ever sick anyway) but I’m not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign. I don’t recall feeling like this last time.

That’s also affected what I want to eat. Weirdly I have had sort of cravings and/or food aversions. I love pizza all the time but haven’t wanted it as much as usual. I have wanted fresh stuff like fruit! And then at other times I just want carbs. But either way I feel like my food attitude is a bit weird. I’ve also felt really hot and I don’t know whether that’s the weather (unseasonably warm in London even though we have had lots of rain too- and yes, I know this isn’t anything compared to other places, but we are used to cold here!). I sort of feel a bit “hot flush”-y. Hmm.

Aside from that I’ve also suddenly felt quite tired. I don’t know whether that’s anything either. At first the prednisolone made me sort of insomniac but now I just feel quite like lying on the sofa doing nothing. T is being patient! We still go out to walk Dog twice a day so at least I am getting some exercise. But I definitely don’t feel myself.

Time will tell…

Advertisements

78 comments

  1. Amy M.

    Yay for darker tests! It’s never too early for nausea, from the research I did previously. Everything you’re talking about sounds like pregnancy symptoms. My food tastes definitely changed. I know you just want to be cautious with your feelings, but you should just go with it and enjoy the pregnancy while you know you’re pregnant. Embrace it while you can, and hopefully that will be for many months to come!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      I know, I remember you embraced it from really early on and I think that is brilliant! I’m just scared to do it really. I think if I can get to 12 weeks I will feel so much better. But I just can’t feel confident right now… It was so horrible last time not knowing what to expect. I hope like anything it will be different! X

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Maternally Optimistic

    I know its hard not to get too excited and read too much into your symptoms but it’s definitely all looking really positive! So happy for you. From my extensive googling as I am totally obsessed with symptoms right now, people definitely get them at all different stages of early pregnancy so its never too early!! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Thanks! Yes I did wonder. I’ve definitely felt nauseous and sort of off my food. It’s taking me ages to decide what to eat, longer than usual, haha!

      Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        Yeah I get that. I read somehwere that the minute your hormone levels start to rise with pregnany your tastebuds start to change. Could it be that you are bloated that’s making you feel so big? I gave in and bought a pair of maternity jeans last weekend. I have only put on a couple of pounds since finding out but the bloat is unreal, my stomach is huge! xxx

        Like

      • Nara

        Oh maybe it is bloat! I’ve definitely put on loads round the middle. And boobs. Horrible! I’m hoping if it’s bloat that it goes down soon! I feel like a monster!

        Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        I am really hoping it goes down too, fingers crossed it does for you too. I sympathise with the boobs as well, bought a soft bra a few weeks ago for sleeping in because they are both huge and sore! I shouldn’t complain so much lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nara

        I already wear non under wired bras because I’m sad like that! I don’t like them digging in to my flesh! I have ones from Uniqlo. I should really wear more structured bras as my boobs are quite big for my height (I’m short and they’re usually a C and I think they must be at least a D now!). But I don’t like the feeling of bras! Urgh!

        Whenever I get home I take off my bra and put on a t shirt! Haha!

        Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        Oh that’s me! First thing I do when I get home is take my make up and my bra off. I’m between and F and a G cup normally so they are big enough without the hormones lol most days I wear a sports bra to work but might need to invest in some non wired ones.

        Like

  3. My Perfect Breakdown

    This all sounds like an awesome start to this pregnancy! I agree about there probably being no safe date, but I do suspect the further into the pregnancy you get the easier it will be, but it will never be easy like it is for fertile people, does that make sense? Sending you so many sticky baby wishes!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Thank you so much! I definitely don’t think there is a safe date, but I feel like if we could just make it to 12 weeks at least I could tell people and it would “count”, if you get what I mean. It’s so hard going through all of this stuff last time and then not really being able to speak about it. And I know I haven’t been through much compared to others like you. I just don’t feel like I am that strong to go through it all again…

      Like

  4. MrsD

    Those test lines are getting darker- definitely not leftover trigger. You’re totally pregnant, lady! Remember the weight gain could also be bloating- I was SUPER bloated early on and couldn’t fit into any of my old pants. Don’t beat yourself up about it too much- it’s totally normal (especially with the IVF drugs you were on).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Thank you! Yes I think there is definite bloat going on – I am SO fat! I would like it if my stomach went down a bit at least! Wearing a bra size up from usual today and I don’t know how I managed to get through on the smaller bras before this!

      Like

      • MrsD

        Yup, I went up an entire cup size almost immediately and at 7 weeks pregnant I looked like I was in the second trimester. The good news is that the bloat does settle down eventually! And if the weather is warm enough, you can get by wearing a lot of stretchy maxi skirts to be a little more comfortable.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nara

        Haha. It is warm but I am basically a midget so I can’t do maxi skirts! Seriously! I am in trousers today and am just about getting away with some of my “fat” dresses. I’m really hoping it all calms down one way or another! I can barely squeeze into my skinny jeans (the Fat skinny jeans I bought during my last pregnancy!).

        Like

    • Nara

      Btw I’ve tried to comment on your blog but it doesn’t work! Argh! Anyway I wanted to say I felt totally the same as you. I’m just a bit ahead of you so hopefully you will have a similar result in a few weeks. X

      Like

      • Dubliner in Deutschland

        Wow can’t believe you have to wait 7 weeks for the first scan there! Oh sorry you weren’t able to comment on my blog. Yes, hopefully I’ll get some good news in a few weeks too!

        Like

  5. flatwhitetogo85

    This is awesome news. I so hope everything goes smoothly over the next few weeks and months. I think the symptoms are good (and I think they are symptoms!). One of the things that made me test, along with the fact I was a little late, was I felt so nauseous and suddenly couldn’t face eating some of my favourite things. Based on LMP I must have been about 3 weeks gone at that point, certainly not much more, so it is possible to feel these things early on!

    As for the weight gain, I know so well how you feel. Before I got pregnant I’d gained a lot and now I’m pregnant I can’t do anything about the weight I gained before, and have already gained about another 17lbs through the pregnancy. Obviously I wouldn’t change any of this for the world, but I do feel disgusting and can’t even fit in any of the “fat girl” clothes I bought a few months ago! It must feel horrible having the weight gain be partly due to everything you went through with Pizza Baby (as if that wasn’t painful enough in itself, to then have to deal with the constant physical reminder). Just remember that you have been through, and are going through, so much and (to use a cliche – sorry) you need to be kind to yourself. There will come a point when you can do something about it, but hopefully that won’t be for another 9 months+ ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Arwen

    Oh honey I am soooo hopeful this is your rainbow ๐ŸŒˆ baby!! Those are some fabulous lines and the slightly nauseous thing has to be a good sign, ssil got nausea at only 6dp so definitely not to early, silly Google ๐Ÿ˜‰. I know you’re protecting your heart so I’ll just sit down here on the coast and bounce up and down with excitement for you!! Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Ha! Yes I’d be totally fine with it if it ends up in a baby! It’s just I remember what it was like last time. ๐Ÿ˜ž

      Like

  7. Infertility nonsense

    Yay! Great news and great lines. How exciting! I feel you on the weight issue. I’ve been really diligent with my diet between cycles thus time around and scale is not budging! So frustrating. Bloody hormones. Try not to get too worked up over it though, just try to eat healthy for yourself and the baby now xx keep us posted

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ashleykyleanderson

    Thanks for the update! I think of you guys every freaking day. I know you’ve got a long way to go and you have to protect yourself but I am totally loving the thought that you are walking around London pregnant right now. It makes me smile to myself every time I think it! I was also wondering about your sister… I think of her from time to time too, and I hope that she has success with Dr S. Did you mention a EDD yet?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Aww you’re so lovely. Funny to think of you thinking of me walking around London! Haha! ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Apparently according to my pregnancy app (which I only added to work out dates!) I am 4 weeks today which puts the due date at Jan 18. A good date I think! We shall see.

      I think I’m going to tell my sis on Saturday. Although wondering whether to tell her before in case it’s upsetting to her… Not sure what to do really.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ashleykyleanderson

        That IS a good date. January babies are great! ๐Ÿ™‚

        I think you should tell your sister one on one (or in a way that she doesn’t feel like she has to put on a show in front of a lot of people) and let her know that it’s completely fine for her to take time to process it. Support her in her journey and try to keep pregnancy details to a minimum unless she asks. And just remember that any hurt she feels (or frustration, anger) has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what she’s going through. She’s in a really vulnerable place right now. I know you already know all that as you’ve been on the other end all too often. That’s just what I’d want someone to do for me. My sister announced her pregnancy the week we came back from our we’ll-never-get-pregnant consolation trip as we were planning to start looking for a surro & announce pursuing surrogacy — just to make it all about her. She didn’t tell us in person and she did not support us at all through anything whatsoever while constantly posting pregnancy stuff on Facebook. On the other hand, my sister-in-law got pregnant right when we started IVF (both pregnancies literally happened the two worst times, then my first nephew was born just days after our failed transfer). I actually had a feeling they were pregnant and told Kyle that they were before she even took the test (just realizing this was another confirmed feeling!), so I was more prepared for it. She called me on the phone to tell me (they don’t live near us) and we both cried with happiness & sadness. She started a blog for their ultrasounds and bump pics so I wouldn’t have to see them on my newsfeed. I really, really appreciated the effort she took to be sensitive to my feelings, even though it still did hurt.

        You know your sister best. I think everyone just wants to feel cared about and have their feelings considered in this kind of situation. I know you’ll do that for her. โค

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nara

        I guess I thought it would be okay to tell her in person as we are only seeing her and her fiancรฉ, and they should understand as they went through the same thing. And they’re only in London because they’re seeing Dr S (who I recommended) on Monday. So I kind of thought it might make them feel encouraged. But then I got to thinking maybe that it would make her feel bad. I don’t know whether I should tell her before we meet up so she has a chance to not meet up if she doesn’t want to. Or even not tell her. (She knows I’m not drinking because of potentially trying so that wouldn’t come up.) Seeing her tomorrow so would have to tell her today! I thought in a way it would be worse to tell her by text message or on the phone. Not sure.

        Like

      • ashleykyleanderson

        I think I would consider telling her not long before you guys say goodbye during your meet up. If you tell her beforehand and say that you don’t have to meet up if it’s too painful for her, it puts the pressure on her to either cancel or not. This way, if you wait to the end, she can sort of save face since no matter what her reaction, I think she will want to appear to handle it well in front of you. Towards the end of your meeting (and not like literally before you say goodbye because that may make it look like you’re afraid to tell her or are just casually tossing it in there) will give her the space to deal with it soon after in case it’s hard for her. I agree that it may be encouraging since you guys have been through very similar journeys, so all this worry may be for nothing, but I do think it’s better to tell her during this time before you’ve told anyone else because it gives her a while to process it and also lets her know that you care about how it feels for her. My sister-in-law told us first when they were barely a few weeks and not really wanting to share and that made me feel like she was thinking of us from the very beginning. She also gave me another heads up (via text) prior to announcing to family, etc because then we didn’t talk too much about it for a little while. That was nice because we were aware that Kyle’s parents would be talking about it.

        Anyway, those are just thoughts. ๐Ÿ™‚ You don’t have to do any of it of course, and you know your sister way better than I do, but that seems like the most gentle and thoughtful way to me. The most important thing is really just letting her know that you care about how she feels.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nara

        Thanks. We’ve actually talked about the whole thing (treatment etc) at great length so I was thinking she might want to discuss what we have done. I think it’s a good idea not to put pressure on her to cancel though. I’m still a bit undecided as I think she would possibly want to discuss seeing Dr S on Monday so at that point I think it would come up. Anyway until tomorrow all the tests are early, so in theory I’d only be testing tomorrow morning! And I’ve been called to do the intralipids infusion tomorrow am as well (rather than waiting until next week) so it would be sort of hard not to talk about it at all. I was going to tell her in person with T, but I think that she might appreciate a heads up beforehand just so it’s not sort of landed on her. I’ll have to think. Like I think she would be quite happy for me. She was sympathetic about the miscarriage which was before they went through their IVF cycle the previous time…

        Like

      • ashleykyleanderson

        I think you’re right, I think there’s a very good chance that you’re worrying for nothing and that this will be even more encouragement for her to move forward with Dr S. Definitely if it comes up naturally in the conversation, tell her then. Especially if she already knows you’re doing treatment, I don’t think she feel as though it’s been landed on her. I think she will just be really hopeful and happy that it worked for you guys. As awful as the whole business is for both of you, it’s kind of nice that you can support each other through it. I’m really hoping for her that she’s not far behind you in finding success and that you guys will be able to enjoy watching your little ones really grow up together. I think it could bring you even closer.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nara

        Oh I’m not seeing her tomorrow anyway… I got confused and thought it was Friday! Haha. I’m seeing her on Saturday. I might message her tomorrow. Or I might wait till Saturday!

        Like

  9. RJ

    I love that you have an American test date. Goes well with your love of Disney ๐Ÿ™‚ I am so so excited for you, and I completely understand the neutral feelings. It feels like “ok, been here before, let’s see what happens this time”. I’m rooting for you so so hard and I am just so happy at this news. Sending so much positivity your way!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. EmilyMaine

    Weeeeeee! Things are looking great. I know some women def get nausea etc very early on so don’t discount that stuff. It is likely pregnancy related. Or pregnancy + meds. All totally valid. As you might recall I have been a little worked up about my weight gain this pregnancy because I also started out heavier than I would have liked (6kgs up on my usual standard weight) but really, things haven’t gone so bad. After the first trimester I just did my best to make sensible food choices most of the time and at the end of it all I have put on a pretty reasonable amount of weight and I am happy with it. Sure, I have more to lose because I want to shift that early 6kgs + my baby weight but whatever, it will be fine and you will too. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. TryTryAgain

    YES!!!! Yes yes yes yes yes!!!! I’m over the bloody moon for you, I really am!!! This is amazing news!!!!! Totally understand your neutral approach to all of this, completely normal after loss, just take it day by day and see how it goes. But those test progressions look brilliant to me!!

    Thank you for the mention, that’s so kind of you. I’ll be forever grateful to Dr S and his team and if he helps you as well then that’s bloody marvellous!

    Can’t wait to see more updates, am so unbelievably happy for you xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Aww thank you. And really the congratulations have to go to YOU! A mum!!!!!!
      Btw I’m going for my intralipids tomorrow instead of next week as they said I should come in asap. So I guess I’ll find out more about whether I get a scan or whatnot.
      I am so happy for YOU! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • TryTryAgain

        Ah thanks!! I was telling my mum about you today as she was with me at my last appt with Dr S. I saw Louise and she said she’d met you and how funny it is that we talk but have never met, yet Louise has met both of us! The internet is an amazing thing!!

        I had a scan with Dr S at 7.5 weeks, as id had an nhs scan at 6 weeks, but definitely ask and see what he thinks. I’m so happy for you!! Xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  12. countyourselfunlucky

    You’re doing so well so happy for you! Metallic taste, fatigue, peeing loads & big boobs are all pregnancy symptoms, so I think that’s a great sign. Also you are absolutely right about crinone. Absolutely minging. I swapped to cyclogest becasue I hated it so much. Sorry you’re feeling huge, it does knock your confidence when you don’t feel your usual size. hope you can get some clothes that make you feel comfortable xx

    Liked by 1 person

Tell us your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s