A pointless ranty vent about nothing

I’m still waiting, in this enhanced two week wait (before the first ultrasound that gives an indication but no guarantee of viability) so I’ve been trying to distract myself. Unfortunately when working one’s notice this means there isn’t a whole lot of work to distract yourself with, and also it leaves you (well, me) a bit open to the whole “Getting annoyed with everyone in the world” thing, probably exacerbated by social media.

So here in no particular order are the things that are annoying me this week…

  • Rude people. This category encompasses almost everyone on the Being Annoying list. I just think the whole world would be much nicer if everyone was nice to each other instead of being rude.
  • Antisocial behaviour (such as manspreading and BO) on public transport. Travelling on public transport is not fun at the best of times. And I’m not pregnant officially so nobody gives up their seat for me. (I really want to make it to 12 weeks so I can get a smug-pregnant-person’s badge. Transport for London does these Baby on Board badges which are meant to be so you can offer a pregnant lady a seat without being scared to offend someone who isn’t pregnant. I’ve never had one although this is the second time I’ve been pregnant.) I actually got up and moved away from a person the other day whose legs were manspreading into my seat. And being pregnant, this may be a symptom or it may just be my extreme sensitivity to smell, but I cannot stand the body odour of some people on the tube – it is making me feel sick. Another time last week I actually asked a guy to stop hitting me with his rucksack. He just went and stood in front of me and kept moving around so it was banging into me and I was like, Can you stop hitting me with your rucksack? Everyone on the tube was flabbergasted as people in London don’t actually like to make eye contact, let alone tell someone when they’re p*ssing you off. But he stopped, and I just stood there being angry.
  • Entitled millennials. Now I am an official old person but I have had it up to HERE (imagine a marker) with millennials and their stupid bitching about nothing. Like, seriously, someone asked you to turn your music down because it was 4am on a weekday? How dare they! (This is a specific reference to my horrible new neighbour who has surpassed even my previous Neighbour From Hell in inconsiderate behaviour, and woke up everyone in the block by playing loud music at 4-5am – her excuse being that she suffers from “anxiety and depression and bipolar” and needed to invite some friends round for an unplanned party because of it. Because her right to feel not lonely surpasses everyone else’s right not to be woken up in the middle of the night. She has now started a war on our apartment’s Facebook page saying everyone is being horrible to her and anyone who doesn’t like it is obviously OLD.) No consideration for other people… And I realise I’m sounding like my parents here.
  • Being a childless woman. It’s like you get all the crap bits about being female (sexism, big sore boobs, periods / side effects from IVF drugs) and none of the good bits! Smug mums banging on about breastfeeding! Mums in general whinging about their children in a completely annoying way when other people would do anything to have a child. People who do bad things to their own children. It’s just depressing that people who don’t deserve children seem to have no problem popping them out, and then us infertiles have to suffer psychological anguish because we don’t get to have children.
  • Pregnancy after loss. I literally can’t enjoy it because I’m just waiting for it to end. It’s nice we got this far but I don’t have any faith in it right now. I’m beginning to hope, and I sort of hate myself for hoping because we hoped last time and it didn’t work. I don’t want to be this fat, swollen and hormonally ranty without actually ever getting to enjoy pregnancy. I can’t just “snap out of it”. Maybe I’ll feel better IF we get to 12 weeks, but we’re not even halfway there yet. This sucks. It also means I have to keep making excuses and sounding like an antisocial ***** because I don’t want to go out drinking and have to make up a lame reason why I’m off alcohol. I just want to get to the point where we can acknowledge the pregnancy. I guess that’s 12-14 weeks.
  • Solicitors/lawyers. OMG What do they actually do? We’ve been waiting for our house to go through for like FOUR MONTHS. We have all the money ready to go. They’re just delaying over nothing. I feel so mad that I could have spent my notice period on holiday and moved house but instead we are stressing that it might not even happen before I start my new job next month. And I really don’t need that stress. As for the divorce… When can I have it? This is ridiculous. I’ve been with T longer than I was actually actively married. I might be having a baby with him, and my divorce from my ex still hasn’t bloody been finalised. It’s like lawyers just make money out of other people’s pain. ARGH.

I’m sure there are loads of other reasons why I’m angry. Maybe I’m PANGRY. (Pregnant-angry. Who knows. Maybe I’m imminent-pregnancy-loss-angry.) I definitely seem to be thinking more evil thoughts lately. Although I haven’t said much to people about it. I just think them in my head.

Grr.

Sit with me on this one… I may be some time.

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22 comments

  1. My Perfect Breakdown

    Why yes, you did write an angry post! 😉 Which is funny because a lot of what you said (minus the pregnancy and the London specific tube) I can really relate to today as I’m in a horrible mood and pretty much hate the world right now.
    I hope ranting helped you rleease some of the frustrations. And i hope your day improves and tomorrow is a better day.

    Like

  2. alanagriegs

    Hahahaha, I know this is and angry (or Pangry) post but I can’t help but laugh/smile at how perfectly you’ve captured it all. Thank you for sharing and I hope your day takes a turn for the best!

    Like

    • Nara

      Ha! Thanks! Once I had actually gotten home (after more tube rudeness) it was okay! 🙂 I think I’m just PANGRY at the moment!!

      Like

  3. tidleone

    They should do those badges in Manchester. Well, it’d also be nice if they did a medical one – anyone on IVF drugs really needs to sit down on a tram/tube and not get wacked or squished. I went to watch my husband and dad run in the city centre 10K on Sunday and I had to get off the tram because it was so crowded – it make me feel really sick, plus standing with swollen ovaries is never fun.

    Like

    • Nara

      Ooh no, that’s no fun at all. I think I probably felt worse when I was stimming than I do now, so I agree! There should be some badges saying “WATCH OUT I’M ANGRY!” So people know to move out of your way! 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. sewingbutterfly

    Yep, totally with you! Public transport is HORRIBLE for making you hate humanity. I got asked to give up my seat for a lady on the bus as she had a disability, no problems. But I felt like stuttering ‘I’m pregnant’ as the bus driver was a bit speedy and I was already feeling light headed. I didn’t because I didn’t feel I was pregnant ‘enough’.

    Hope you feel better after your rant! Also, I think pregnant angry or new parent angry is definitely a thing. You notice how inconsiderate and mean other people can be.

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah, glad it’s not just me! Yes I’ve been asked to give up my seat a few times and I want to tell them, but I don’t feel you’re really allowed to acknowledge pregnancy until 12 weeks. I’ve never made it to 12 weeks so I don’t know if it would somehow feel different. I’m almost 6 weeks, if I’m still pregnant. So not even halfway to acknowledgement!

      Liked by 1 person

      • sewingbutterfly

        I was about 8 weeks at the time…not sure if I would feel comfortabke saying it till I actually had a bump! The baby on board badges for the tube sound like a great idea!

        Like

  5. EmilyMaine

    Hehe I say you are hormonal and yay! That’s a good thing. You really do get super sonic smelling ability when preggo. I still have it at the very end! I also have a man spread though lol as the old tum tum is getting in the way! Hehe Hipe time starts to speed up a bit for you xx

    Like

    • Nara

      Thank you! I think I’m just a nasty person! Haha. Oh well, I need to start being more sweetness and light if I’m ever going to be an earth mother (as if!). I think it’s just because I am due to leave work and leave where we live (hopefully, if the house ever goes through) that I feel less and less like appeasing people who are annoying! But I will get over it!

      Like

  6. Amy M.

    Sadly, I feel this way about humanity most days of my life, pregnant or not!! I’ve just found lately that I have a harder time keeping my mouth shut lol. I hope the next weeks go fast for you until you get your scan and hopefully get a bit of reassurance from it. It’s good to be able to rant about things though! I hope it helped you feel a bit better!

    Like

    • Nara

      Yes exactly, I think I always feel this way at a lower level but I’m just less patient this week! A good old rant did make me feel slightly better… But I think the best thing is just to try and avoid annoying people! And time goes by soooo slowly. Argh. Another week and a bit to go before the scan – it’s driving me crazy!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Maternally Optimistic

    Can I say, I love a good rant! Always makes me feel better! And other peoples always make me laugh, especailly when you can relate to some of the things.
    It must be so furstrating waiting on the house, what takes them so long to sort these things out! fingers crossed its not much longer.
    And it wont be long until your ultrasound and you can hopefully get some reassurance from that.
    Also I would just get one of thos badges, your still pregnant no matter what stage or what size! xxx

    Like

  8. wonkygenes

    Rant away!! I love a good rant. It’s totally healthy. And in your inimitable style your rant wasn’t just PANGRY it was funny too. Something I love about us Brits is our sense of humour. Living in Italy I’d forgotten about it (until my recent trip home) and I think it’s what gets us through the most difficult times. I’m sorry that you are struggling with this wait. I would be too. Sending you hugs and an imaginary bottle of wine…XXX

    Like

  9. circumstance227

    I apologise in advance – but I enjoyed this. It seems I like it when other people rant once in a while too. I find it really helps somehow. That said, I hope you don’t feel ranty for too much longer. What, exactly, is “manspreading “?

    Like

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