How on earth did that happen? Today I’m 15 weeks pregnant. I thought I’d better do a pregnancy update as my last one was about three weeks ago!
My excuses are:
- Still fairly busy – new job, moved house (still not unpacked! It’ll be a while)
- Still really tired. I know that the second trimester is supposed to be when you get all full of energy or whatnot, but that isn’t the case for me
- Still don’t fully trust being pregnant
I suppose I feel a bit strange about it all, like I’m living a double life. Pregnant/not pregnant.
- I haven’t told work. Apparently don’t have to tell them till 25 weeks! I think I get a form at 20 weeks from the midwife, which is the one you give to HR and maternity rights kick in. (Unfortunately I am due next to nothing as I haven’t been in the job long enough.)
- Hardly any people know. We haven’t announced on FB and don’t intend to. We’ve told a few people but only through necessity (not drinking) and it’s certainly not common knowledge.
- I just sort of look fat rather than pregnant. Probably as I can’t wear pregnancy clothes to work. I do have some maternity jeans but I only wear those outside of work.
- I don’t really believe in the pregnancy properly. I always caveat any discussions with “…if we make it that far”, which seems a bit negative but I just haven’t fully accepted that it’s happening. Maybe I will if I actually start looking pregnant rather than fat!
- It’s a four week wait for the next scan, between 12-16 weeks. The longest gap… It doesn’t inspire confidence.
- I have my Baby on Board badge to get a seat on the tube. It really is a necessity and a lot of people ignore it! But it does mean I get a seat, which helps with the fatigue.
- I still have swollen boobs, and I’m getting larger around the middle.
- I haven’t had any bleeding or anything that suggests miscarriage. (But I do still worry as I didn’t before.)
- Got a Doppler, and have heard what we think is the baby’s heartbeat on a couple of occasions. I’ve tried not to use it too much as it could be stressful trying to find it, but in the absence of scans, it does help a little bit.
This all probably makes me sound like a nutter! I guess what I’m trying to do is just get on with life… I know I can’t change the outcome so it doesn’t help to worry. I do feel my anxiety has lessened over time, but it’s still there. I sort of deal with it and wait and hope.
In other news… I had a spa day and afternoon tea with my best friend. It was fantastic. She drank my champagne!
I’m off to sleep now because I’m soooo tired! Will try and do a general life update soon – my job is exhausting me at the moment due to one problem guy, but he’s only around for another few weeks, thank goodness!