IVF 2: Still here (15 weeks)

How on earth did that happen? Today I’m 15 weeks pregnant. I thought I’d better do a pregnancy update as my last one was about three weeks ago! 

My excuses are:

  • Still fairly busy – new job, moved house (still not unpacked! It’ll be a while)
  • Still really tired. I know that the second trimester is supposed to be when you get all full of energy or whatnot, but that isn’t the case for me
  • Still don’t fully trust being pregnant

 

I suppose I feel a bit strange about it all, like I’m living a double life. Pregnant/not pregnant. 

Not pregnant

  • I haven’t told work. Apparently don’t have to tell them till 25 weeks! I think I get a form at 20 weeks from the midwife, which is the one you give to HR and maternity rights kick in. (Unfortunately I am due next to nothing as I haven’t been in the job long enough.)
  • Hardly any people know. We haven’t announced on FB and don’t intend to. We’ve told a few people but only through necessity (not drinking) and it’s certainly not common knowledge. 
  • I just sort of look fat rather than pregnant. Probably as I can’t wear pregnancy clothes to work. I do have some maternity jeans but I only wear those outside of work. 
  • I don’t really believe in the pregnancy properly. I always caveat any discussions with “…if we make it that far”, which seems a bit negative but I just haven’t fully accepted that it’s happening. Maybe I will if I actually start looking pregnant rather than fat!
  • It’s a four week wait for the next scan, between 12-16 weeks. The longest gap… It doesn’t inspire confidence. 

 

Pregnant

  • I have my Baby on Board badge to get a seat on the tube. It really is a necessity and a lot of people ignore it! But it does mean I get a seat, which helps with the fatigue. 
  • I still have swollen boobs, and I’m getting larger around the middle. 
  • I haven’t had any bleeding or anything that suggests miscarriage. (But I do still worry as I didn’t before.)
  • Got a Doppler, and have heard what we think is the baby’s heartbeat on a couple of occasions. I’ve tried not to use it too much as it could be stressful trying to find it, but in the absence of scans, it does help a little bit. 

 

This all probably makes me sound like a nutter! I guess what I’m trying to do is just get on with life… I know I can’t change the outcome so it doesn’t help to worry. I do feel my anxiety has lessened over time, but it’s still there. I sort of deal with it and wait and hope. 

In other news… I had a spa day and afternoon tea with my best friend. It was fantastic. She drank my champagne!


I’m off to sleep now because I’m soooo tired! Will try and do a general life update soon – my job is exhausting me at the moment due to one problem guy, but he’s only around for another few weeks, thank goodness!

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40 comments

  1. My Perfect Breakdown

    I was so thrilled to see your update pop into my reader! πŸ™‚
    First, I’m glad you are still pregnant!!!! In fact, I’m ecstatic! I hope eventually you start to feel more confident in this pregnancy, but I also don’t think it’s a big deal if you don’t. All that matters is when the baby arrives an wiggles in your arms that you believe it then. πŸ™‚
    Second, I’m glad to see the problem guy at work will be gone soon. I think that’s great.
    Third, that food! My gosh, it looks delicious! πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Nara

      Thank you! I think it will gradually calm down and I’ll feel better as I reach certain milestones. The issue is I keep thinking I won’t reach them! I do feel less anxious though and am trying not to think about it!

      Yeah the problem guy is over from another country and sadly he will still be working on the account! Which is really annoying. He’s shown his true colours though and hopefully they will get rid of him! I can’t even describe how awful he is!

      Yes the food was lovely! And we got a really good spa/afternoon tea deal, which was great!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amy M.

    So good to hear from you! I was thinking about you this morning while I was sitting at my Drs office, wondering how you’re doing. I’m glad you’re still doing well! Does that mean your scan is next week then? I hope all goes well there! I’m happy to hear the problem guy is leaving soon, hopefully that will make your life much easier! I also hope that you start feeling a bit more confident about this baby soon. There is one blog I read where even right up until the end, she didn’t believe in her pregnancy and was sure she would lose the baby…thankfully she has her healthy, happy baby in her arms now. My point is you don’t have to be fully confident in it, but that doesn’t mean that things won’t go just fine. Can’t wait to hear your next update!

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah that’s so sweet of you! Yes I’ve been following blogs but kept meaning to blog and didn’t get round to it! It’s weird when you’re just waiting with no news. You’re lucky you have ultrasound at work! ☺️ Yes my scan is next Friday. It’s not a big one but just because I’m due to get my intralipids at the private doc so they’ll check how it is.

      Oh the guy will still be around, just not in my face! He’s so annoying!!!

      Like

  3. thegreatpuddingclubhunt

    Your excuses are good ones 😊 I’ll let you off for lack of update!
    I don’t know how much longer you can hide it at work! 20 weeks is a long way a way! I can’t fit into any of my normal work clothes anymore-but I do generally have fitted work clothes. Well at least not anymore without showing off the bump 😳
    I’m happy to hear you are doing well overall though! Not long now til your ultrasound!!

    Like

    • Nara

      Haha. Yes it’s strange how I just don’t have time to blog. I’ve tried to keep up with other people though. It’s weird when I’m just waiting and waiting with no news.

      I can’t really fit into a lot of clothes but I’m cycling between about 3 outfits that are all quite loose! I think I’ll have to tell them. Maybe I’ll have a word with HR after the 16 week scan. I think they just think I’m fat! πŸ˜‚ You’re really slim so I’m sure it shows up on you much more than it shows on me – I do sort of have a big stomach, but it’s not obviously bump!

      Yeah, not long till the ultrasound – phew. Time does seem to go by really slowly so I’m sort of trying not to think about it too much! Hope you are feeling well! So exciting you’ve felt kicks!

      Liked by 1 person

      • thegreatpuddingclubhunt

        I have no doubt all your colleagues will be thrilled to hear your news. But it can’t be easy news to give being the newbie in town 😟
        BTW- if you find some good shops for nice maternity work clothes I need your thoughts! I have an interview late August and cannot find anything vaguely stylish here in the US that doesn’t doesn’t cost the earth! I’ve had a look online quickly but it’s hard to search UK shops from the US and so got frustrated and quit searching!
        I wish I could have an ultrasound sooner 😫 it feels like forever 10 weeks to 20 weeks is sooooooo long and tortuous! Although I’ve heard the heartbeat twice now my anxiety is yet to be relieved!!!
        Have you felt anything yet? I’ve only felt like 4 kicks so far, so it’s not a regular occurrence yet!

        Like

      • Nara

        I’m just worried because I don’t want to let my boss or the team down. We will have to have the convo about pregnancy and figure out how long I’ll take off. I feel worried as we have been getting on really well and he’s a great boss and I really don’t want him to be disappointed in me! Which sounds nuts. I mean he should be nice and reasonable. I’m just used to the last place where they weren’t the nicest in those cases!

        Oh for UK I’ve bought a couple of dresses from Seraphine. I think they have some nice stuff, but I only bought two and they were in the sale – as I don’t fully trust being preggers yet, but I’ll probably wear them to the family dos we have in the next month and see how it goes! I also have pregnancy jeans from M&S and New Look – but frustratingly they have rips in them, which I wouldn’t usually go for. I don’t really have work clothes as such as I’m just wearing baggier stuff (H&M and Uniqlo) and can get away with it for now. But I’ll probably get more from Seraphine for smart and New Look for casual (as it’s soooo cheap).

        Also for mail order there is asos (but I tried them last time and didn’t like any of the stuff – might suit you as you’re taller and slimmer). And I was thinking of one called Envie de Fraises which has some nice stuff. If you want to get anything delivered to the UK then I can send you my new address if you want somewhere to send it to and if you’re interview is in London!

        I’m only having an ultrasound as we have the private doc. The next NHS scan is 20 weeks. 10 weeks is way too long! And 10 weeks is early for the scan! Our NHS scan was 12.5 I think. I was seriously considering getting another private scan this week or last week, but fortunately for my wallet I’ve been too busy at work!

        I haven’t felt a sodding thing!!!! We got the doppler but it is quite difficult to find the heartbeat. It is low down and on the right hand side. I’m hoping over time it becomes easier, and I don’t want to do it too often as I don’t want to get obsessive and anxious about it. Right now I’m just trying not to think about it too much! Hope you are holding up okay!

        Like

  4. EmilyMaine

    Yay! Glad all is still going well. Don’t give up on the second trimester energy boost yet. It was closer to 20 weeks when mine kicked in this time which is a bit cheeky but it lasted into the third trimester so balanced out πŸ™‚ You are in the weird zone where you can’t feel bub, bump is small and you are waiting for a scan. I hated that part! Hope it passes quickly for you X

    Like

    • Nara

      Aha! Good to know. I would like the burst of energy as I think that’s what’s really making the difference! I’m usually fine on 4hrs a night sleep… I don’t need much sleep… But now I’m having about 7 and I’m exhausted! Crazy! It’s good to know that I’m in an established phase! I think it’ll make a big difference if I get to the stage where I can actually feel the baby moving about! Thanks for the understanding! X

      Like

  5. Maternally Optimistic

    So excited to see your update!! Happy everything is still going well for you, hopefully the anxiety will keep getting better for you.
    I still haven’t announced on FB about my pregnancy and I think a lot of people who know think it’s weird but I just don’t feel the need to do it.
    I am impressed you are still hiding your bump, I have struggled! In work I wear a lovely baggy NHS uniform so I in it I do just look like I’m getting fat and had to start wearing a bigger size but in my own clothes there is no hiding it, I am huge even though I am not even 20 weeks yet! Ok I am probably not huge but it feels that way.
    I am always so jealous of your food pics, they alwasy look amazing!
    xxx

    Like

    • Nara

      Thank you! Yeah I don’t think we will ever announce on FB about the pregnancy. I’m just not like that and I still feel worried that something bad will happen. I hope I’m proven wrong!

      As for bump, it’s a bit easier as I only started about 6 weeks ago so nobody is used to me being thinner! (Although my boss probably thinks I’ve put on weight since my interview in March! Ha!) I’ve definitely retired the more fitted dresses and I’m just cycling through some clothes that are quite loose. I have bought a couple of maternity dresses but not ready to wear them yet! I will do once I’ve announced it, I guess.

      So are you in the UK? I somehow had it in my head you were in the US! That’s so cool! We will be mat leave buddies (although I am totally getting no mat leave, sob!).

      I take a lot of food pics as my friends and I always discuss our meals! Haha. So sad!

      Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        I’m now at the point where I don’t want to wear baggy cos I just look fat, I want things to be fitted so I look pregnant.
        Yeah I am in Glasgow. We will be! We will be pretty close. Will you not get any because you are so new to your job or is that just typical of the industry you are in? I am very lucky with mat leave because I work for the NHS, one of the only perks!

        Like

      • Nara

        You are lucky! But also I totally respect anyone who works for the NHS. Such a difficult job!! Yeah I don’t get anything other than statutory which is next to nothing, because you have to be in the job for a while before taking mat leave. I’m entitled to the leave but it would be all but unpaid! I think Β£200 or something which is not enough for anything in London! Because I was pregnant when I joined. It’s a shame as I would have got a whole year paid with my old company! But I much prefer my new job, and there was no guarantee that IVF was going to work. I’m just hoping that when I have The Conversation with my boss that he is reasonable! Oh and I’ve spent quite a while up north and I really love it – you have terrible weather though! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        That is a shame but it’s hard because you need to make the right decision about these things at the time, you can’t keep holding off on the what if’s. Sounds like it’s a good company you have moved to so hopefully they will be able to sort something out for you because you are right, stat pay is pennies!
        Yes we certainly do πŸ™ˆ I would like to say you get used to it but you don’t, I still hate it when it rains x

        Liked by 1 person

  6. pinksnow78

    Yay, so glad you updated! Happy to hear it all going well, and the anxiety is perfectly normal and doesn’t really go away. My new anxiety, at 37 weeks, is delivering her safely. Then after that, will be all the New Baby anxiety!! Hoping you sort something out work-wise πŸ™‚ x

    Like

  7. sewingbutterfly

    I sort of calmed down after my morphology scan and got the all clear. But now I have a cardiac scan looming I am a bit more anxious, the doppler is the best damn thing I own. I can no longer hide my bump anymore (from about 21 weeks I couldn’t).

    Now I am 23 weeks, I am starting to feel baby (silly anterior placenta) a bit more, it feels more real.

    I am so so happy your update popped up in my feed πŸ™‚ look forward to the next one!

    Like

    • Nara

      Good to know! I keep wondering if I’m “showing” or just fat! I think a good proportion of it is far! Although my boobs are a whole other country!

      I think it’ll feel more real to me if I can feel the baby, definitely. One step at a time! I’m looking forward (hopefully) to feeling properly pregnant! So glad you are at 23… That’s awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. ashleykyleanderson

    I feel like you can tell just when I am thinking of messaging you because that’s always when you update! 😊

    At this point in time, I hadn’t yet accepted the pregnancy either so no worries. Things changed when I finally got to go to an ultrasound in person, feel him moving, and we learned the gender (and hence, his name), which was around 17.5 weeks or so. I have a feeling that by the next ultrasound things will start to feel differently for you, but I think it is completely fine to handle the pregnancy the way it feels best to YOU, not based on what you feel like you should be feeling/doing. My only advice would be to think about how you want to be able to look back on this time. It’s easy for me to say now, but I do wish I had enjoyed it a little more. I even feel a little nostalgic about it which I never thought I would say! Obviously having him here is better than the pregnancy, but I wish I had just let myself have a little more fun since it’s likely to be the only pregnancy we will experience. Do you think you could feel that way? If so, then maybe in the next couple weeks try to let yourself have a day where you push that fear aside and go out with T to buy some cute little things for the baby. If you don’t think that will matter to you then I’d just say not to worry about it.

    By the way, did I miss the gender post??? Because I am dying to know over here!

    Like

    • Nara

      Aww you are too sweet! I think you’re right. I definitely will loosen up about the pregnancy I think, but it might be a gradual thing! Maybe if I can feel the baby kick or something. I don’t feel too bad about looking back or whatever… I’m not a big look back-er! Haha. I will try and enjoy it more though. I suppose it’s maybe more enjoyable when you can talk about it with people and they acknowledge it and whatnot.

      Oh and for the baby things – I bet that I will go absolutely mad buying things for the baby – once I start I won’t stop! I am a mad shopper! I am looking forward to the shopping part!

      You didn’t miss the gender post! T doesn’t want me to say to people before we tell his parents. Can you believe we haven’t told them yet? We are telling them this weekend as he wanted to tell them in person and they’re coming to see the new place. His dad hasn’t been well so they couldn’t travel before now. We are going to maybe do a bit of a funny reveal where we ask them to unpack a box with a balloon in it. But his mum always says what she thinks so she might tell me I’ve put on weight before then! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      I’ll have to ask him if it’s okay to post the gender before then… For some reason he wants to keep it a secret! I had to tell my parents though as they were desperate to know!

      Like

      • ashleykyleanderson

        Ah, well I suppose that it’s fair the grandparents hear the gender before me! I’m sorry T’s dad wasn’t well, and I hope he is doing much better. I hope you enjoy this weekend and your reveal! And the great thing about buying things for babies is that… They always need something! It’s a built-in excuse. I buy everything ahead of the size he’s in now- like, he’s currently at the end of 6m clothes, but right now I’m buying 12m & 18m sizes for this winter and next spring. I’ve already had the 9m stuff washed and ready to switch out for weeks. This way, I can justify my buying habits by saying that I’m getting things on sale. And the best part about Ross continuing to grow is that Kyle can’t tell me I’m going overboard. It’s great! πŸ˜ƒ

        Liked by 1 person

  9. notpregnantinrezza

    I totally understand not telling work. I think I waited until around 14 weeks. Still around 20 weeks people said they still couldn’t tell and it’s around now that I think it’s obvious so perhaps you have a few more weeks. It’s stressful having to hide it though and trying to find appropriate work clothes to hide a pregnancy is so hard (although probably harder for you as it sounds like you have to dress quite corporate). Congrats on the 15 weeks mark. I hope with every week you feel more and more settled that things could be okay.

    Like

  10. countyourselfunlucky

    So glad you posted! Love the pregnant / not pregnant lists πŸ™‚ I am amazed by how much you have achieved during your first trimester, I hope you realise that doing all those things (new job, house move) at that time makes you eligible for superwoman status! xxx

    Like

  11. MrsKirstyHoll

    Congrats on your pregnancy x i’m 19 weeks and know how you feel. I’m still nackered. When you start to feel the kicking it really hits home x i was feeling something from 16 weeks because bub is up front. So start keeping a eye out when you’re relaxing x

    Like

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