Reasons I’ve cried (25 weeks)

I’m so not a crier. I mean, I’m British, and that means I have a stone cold heart that’s full of sarcasm and cynicism and British humour.

Well, it turns out that B, the little human I’m currently gestating, is a crier. (This does not bode well for my sleep patterns for the next 18ish years.) Or at least, something about gestating B has turned me into a blubbering mess. 

Some examples of why I’ve cried. Note that my eyes were completely dry during numerous funerals, any number of cute kid videos and years and years of learning how to be British at school (stiff upper lip, don’t tell, it’s character building, etc). 

  • My friend’s dog had to be put down (the inspiration for us getting Dog). He was 10 years old and the best dog. I was writing a condolence card with the story about the rainbow bridge and I ended up crying in the office. 
  • Then when I told T about crying he said, “What’s the rainbow bridge story?” and I started crying whilst I was telling him. I couldn’t even describe it without crying. We were walking Dog at the time. (Fortunately I don’t think Dog understood the story and was busy sniffing someone else’s wee or something.)
  • Reading birth stories in the Ina May book. I mean they’re completely hippy dippy but for some reason I’ve turned into an emotional blancmange. 
  • We went to an expectant parents’ evening at Mothercare (baby shop in the UK) and they had some first aid demos and the lady did a demo on how to stop a baby choking (my suggestion) and she showed how to do that with a baby doll that didn’t even really look like a baby, and then I couldn’t watch any more because I felt so emotional. And then I turned to T and started crying because I said I didn’t want to think about B choking! What have I turned into?!
  • I randomly read the poem on some baby shower page about loving your baby forever – I’ll love you forever / I’ll like you for always / As long as I’m living / My baby you’ll be. And then I looked up where it came from and there was a story about the author explaining the origins of the book (which I never had… I guess it’s an American thing). The author Robert Munsch explains that he wrote it because he had two children born dead. Well I just lost it. In the office. Luckily I was in a conference room on my lunch break! Like actual tears running down my face crying. 

 

I guess maybe that pregnancy makes you hormonal. I’m really not a crier usually! And the other thing is I think it is the circumstance, like thinking about how hopeless everything felt this time last year (although we had a wonderful holiday to America and Disney World) and how crazy it feels to be in this position now with this big growing belly this year, and how I still don’t fully believe it. 

And also all these feelings about being adopted and thinking about my birth mother going through this and wondering how she felt. If she read that poem, is that how she’d think of me? It just brings up a lot of feels about how I’ve never met my birth parents and how my first mother must have felt after giving birth to me and then having to give me away. 

Also, and this sounds nuts but I feel emotional about Dog. I can’t imagine loving B more than I love him, because I love him so much, and part of me is really scared that either I won’t love B enough or I’ll love him too much and Dog will feel sad. I bet that sounds silly but my first loyalty is to Dog… He didn’t choose to be adopted by us and I owe it to him not to drop the ball on caring for him. I feel really strongly about that and it mortifies me to think I might be one of those people who neglect their pet when they have a baby. He really is my first baby. 

Anyway, this isn’t meant to be depressing because I don’t feel depressed at all. I guess I just feel emotionally charged. And optimistic! I can’t quite believe that this is all happening and if everything goes according to plan I’ll be somehow giving independent life to the wriggler in my tummy in the new year. That the kicks I feel are going to turn into an actual human. 

It’s Autumn (fall!) in England now and everything has gone dark and chilly and I actually love it, because it makes me feel like Christmas is coming and that’s my favourite time of year. I always thought I was a summer person (when I was young and carefree and didn’t need a boulder holder to scaffold up my boobs) but lately I’ve just preferred Autumn. As long as it’s dry chill it’s great. Our flat is boiling so it feels cosy and actually bearable after the heat of the summer, and I’m looking forward to Christmas jumpers and my Christmas themed baby shower and enjoying this last bit of 2016 before the big 2017!

 

Bumpies… Past few weeks. 

Advertisements

28 comments

  1. EmilyMaine

    Awwwwwww love the bump shots! It is a very cute bump. Yes pregnancy is a mega emotional time. It actually kinda hangs around a bit once you become a mum. Not as much but I just found I became softer and more empathic. The other night I was watching Chicago Med and they seemed to be having a sick baby special. I almost couldn’t watch it!!! When Monkey was first born I couldn’t watch anything that was too angry or violent for ages. It was all too much. So bizarre! I like the softer version of me though. I was a major hard arse before! Ha!

    Like

    • Nara

      Aw thanks! I am getting a slight complex as people keep saying it’s big! Although it could all be fluid. So far B has measured average. And I’m short too so maybe that’s it!

      I like the idea of becoming nicer! But right now I’m a blubbering wreck! Haha. Yeah I have a bit of a rep for being a hard arse too… Maybe they’ll decide I’m nice person after all! 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      • EmilyMaine

        When you are short the baby has nowhere to go but out. I have a very short torso so the same thing happens to me. If you are measuring in track then that is all you need to worry about!

        Like

      • Nara

        I have my community midwife appointment today so I am guessing they’ll measure me then. On all the scans he’s been right on track!

        Like

  2. ivf79

    You have to get the love you forever book – the illustrations towards the end are just beautiful. I was introduced to the book about 13 years ago and still have a copy on my bookshelf -our bump will be hearing it plenty!

    Like

  3. My Perfect Breakdown

    Your bump is adorable!!! And I think your allowed and even expected to be emotional these days! 😊
    Also, I can no longer watch or read any story or newsarticle on anything bad about a child. I just cannot handle anything sad about a child anymore.

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah thank you! I’m feeling a bit huge lately as people keep commenting on it. I can completely imagine how much more you can bear to read sad stuff about kids! It’s bad enough when you don’t have any!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Amy M.

    I haven’t read that book in quite a while, but it always brings tears to my eyes. In fact, a coworker used that poem in a gift she made her dad a couple weeks ago. She was talking about it and said she didn’t know where it came from, but had found it online and liked it. I tried to tell her where it came from, and got so teary I couldn’t tell her the whole thing. You should buy the book!! (It’s one I still need to get, our baby library is still quite small :-/ ) But if you haven’t seen this website, here you go: http://robertmunsch.com/book/love-you-forever
    I find myself in tears all the time lately. In fact, I had a complete breakdown tonight…though really it was quite justified. Hopefully after this baby is born I’ll get back to my normal dry-eyed self…but I somehow feel that she has changed me forever!! Love your bumps…wish mine was that obvious, and I’m only going to have mine around for another 11 days!

    Like

    • Nara

      I added it to our baby list! I know I’ve heard the poem before but didn’t have the book. Sorry you had a mushy breakdown last night! I really have felt very mushy too! It’s not like me at all! Can’t believe Cadence is almost here! ☺️👏🏾

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Courtney

    I hate to tell you this, but I think that you may be a crier from here on out. I am more emotional than you sound, but once pregnant, I was a mess. And I still am over happy stories, sad stories, songs, etc. In fact, I went to visit my cousins new baby (the baby’s dad is actually my “first cousin once removed” since he is my first cousins son – I don’t know what his new baby is to me now) and just opening the door to their Hospital room, I started to cry. Why, you ask? “Ignore me. I always get emotional when I visit first time parents with their new baby.” Yep…. Any time someone has their first baby, I get wistful about how special that time is (it really is – it will never be that magical again if you do have a second baby, so soak it up!!!!!) and I cry. Once I said that, my cousin (his mom) started to cry and the new baby’s mom started to cry and even the new dad teared up. PATHETIC. 😉

    For the record, every item in your list would have made me cry and just reading it, I teared up.

    You.Are.Doomed. 😂

    Great looking bump!!!!!

    Like

    • Nara

      Haha, for some reason I completely think you are as we say in England “well hard”! (It means you are a strong person and is a compliment!) I can’t imagine you being so mushy! Haha. That’s funny. I get that the first baby must be different! It’s like you’re just adults and suddenly you’re parents. Quite scary really! I’m glad that the list made sense and it’s not just me being mushy… or maybe it’s that you are still mushy! 😂😂

      Like

  6. anawnimiss

    Pregnancy can be seriously overwhelming, Nara. It makes you feel a broad range of emotions (people like to call them mood swings), thanks to raging hormones. Just embrace who you’re becoming, and it’ll seem a lot easier. on’t worry about not loving either Dog or Baby enough – as a mom, you’ll love both equally, and I can say that with conviction because I’ve been through this.

    Just let things happen, rest as much as you can, snack every few hours and drink lots of water – it’ll help. Loads of love and hugs to you, B, and Dog. ❤

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah thanks Ana! I’m glad you have experience with dogs and babies! I have been worrying about it but I’m sure Dog will be absolutely fine! I have been resting a lot which is good… I was always a 1am night owl so it’s a strange feeling! Hope you guys are well! X

      Like

  7. Maternally Optimistic

    Love the pics of your cute wee bump!!! I think everyone goes through the hormonal crying at some point in pregnancy, I had to stop watching Grey’s Anatomy for a while because I was getting myself so upset at some of the episodes. It calmed down for a while and then last night I watched that Paul O’Grady’s for the love of dogs, DO NOT watch it, I cried for the whole half hour.
    I’m guessing you might not be a friends fan. When Emma turns one, Joey does a reading of that book to be recorded and everyone ends up crying at how beautiful it is. Thats’s the only reason I recognise it. I did think about buying it to read to the baby but felt it might be a bit emotional.

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah thanks, glad it’s not just me! I am so not watching anything about dogs. Like I usually scroll past any sad dog posts on FB anyway as I can’t stand to think of people mistreating them! So horrible!

      I’m a huge Friends fan!!! I really can’t remember that episode but that’s probably where I heard the poem before. I knew the poem but wasn’t sure where it came from. I felt emotional just reading it but then full on bawled when I read the reason he wrote it!

      Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        I know it really is. My hubby wont watch it with me because he gets so angry at how people can mistreat animals. It is exceptionally sad but I do like how most of them have a happy ending and then you end up crying all over again.
        I am a bit Friends obsessed, it’s like a comfort blanket but I could pretty much act out all the episodes I have watched them that much.
        Now I am thinking about it again I might just buy the book and read it myself.

        Like

      • Nara

        Ha! We have just spent a lazy day watching Friends. Well, I was dozing on the sofa! I know many of the episodes but because we just watch whatever comes on tv, I’ve seen some loads of times and some hardly ever! I do think I’ve seen them all though because of Friendsfest! 🙂

        Like

      • Maternally Optimistic

        That sounds like the best day to me!!!
        I do like watching some of the older ones that I’ve not seen that many times.

        I ended up ordering love you forever on Friday and it came yesterday. It’s such a sad story 😥

        Like

  8. thegreatpuddingclubhunt

    Looking bumpalicious!!! 😍 love those dresses!! Dresses are definitely the most comfortable things to be wearing right now!

    I have been feeling exactly the same!! I keep getting Facebook memories from last year and I think about what a difference a year makes…and of course well up with tears. Especially as October is pregnancy loss awareness month. So I’m totally empathising with you on the crying front. 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Well I keep thinking we are in a far better place… I’m still worried though and don’t think it will completely go away until he’s here safely (fingers crossed). I’m sitting on the plane waiting to take off! Heading to Boston… wearing a dress (but casual as it’s Sunday!). Hoping I last the flight! 😂

      Like

  9. dinksbydefault

    I went through the same feelings about our dog near the end of my pregnancy. It really was the end of an era for him. He’s handling all he change well but his life now IS different. I can’t imagine how moms feel about their first horns when second children come!

    Like

    • Nara

      Haha! I figured that. So how is he doing? I really am so overly worried about Dog and am spoiling him, but I really don’t want him to feel upset when B gets here. I hope they are best buddies!

      Like

      • dinksbydefault

        sorry no time to check blogs lately! Our dog is doing really well. We had to make some adjustments when the babies came (such as letting dog sleep with us – he wanted to be in on all the action). For the most part, he seems to really like the babies and does well with them when we put them on the floor near him, etc. He goes and waits by their cribs when they cry until we come. We try to squeeze in walks for just him once in a while and take him on walks with the babies always. Your dog will adjust too. I am sure you will be able to read his cues and figure out what he needs during the adjustment period as you go 🙂

        Like

  10. RJ

    Pregnancy hormones are nuts! Also it’s completely understandable to have the feelings about B and dog. Honestly now that I’ve delivered I am crying for the strangest things, so be prepared for that too.

    Your bump shots are adorable!!!

    Like

Tell us your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s