Life, death and random acts of kindness (29 weeks)

Tonight we went to see our private doc for the 29 week scan. (Couldn’t do the recommended 28 week, as we were on holiday, so it’s all pushed back a week.) The good news is…

  • B is looking nice and normal and healthy and it turns out that the private doc measured his abdominal cavity 5 times and could not replicate him being in the top percentiles for that. He is above average (the little chubster!) but it’s still well within normal range, more like 70-75th percentile from eyeballing the chart, and he said he wasn’t worried about his size as it was consistent with our previous scan with him.
  • We talked about how the NHS uses lots of different sonographers and they also measure the abdominal cavity (where they told me B was measuring high growth in the upper percentiles) in a different way, by trying to fit it into an oval whereas the private doc measures height and width separately to calculate the circumference.
  • T and I could see B moving around and saw his little face. He has definitely chubbed out since the last time! The doc said that until 28 weeks your baby is developing and then after that he starts fattening up. So it was really nice to see he looks more like a baby. Bit worried as he seems to look like me! Doc even tried to get a few 3D pics but unfortunately B was not playing ball and had his face pressed right up to my uterine wall, which meant you could only see his face in a blur. It was still cool though.
  • I got my 29 week mails from various places (The Bump, Mothercare etc) and they keep talking about Braxton Hicks (practice contractions). I looked it up to understand what they were and I realised this weird sensation I get is that! I’ve had those for weeks though. It is weird to think that strange sensation is an actual thing rather than just what I imagined was my weird body.

Overall I feel quite reassured by these, although I’m supposed to go in for the glucose test on Friday. Neither my private doc or my midwife think I’m diabetic. We shall see!

Really horrible news arrived via FB – a friend’s brother had died. I looked into it a bit more as he was young (like half my age) and it seemed like a horrible shock. Apparently it was very sudden and the circumstances were that it was possibly related to an accident that happened a few weeks ago. It seemed so horrible that such a young guy could have his life wiped out so suddenly. I suppose it reminded me of the fragility of life. And how everything turns on a dime. One day you can be here and the next day not, and it’s worth remembering to make the most out of life and be grateful for our health.

Finally, I experienced a random act of kindness today. I may have mentioned I’m part of an online group of thousands of people regarding transracial adoption. I guess I’ve been pretty active there lately – not sure why. Maybe it’s that being pregnant has made me think more about being adopted. One of the things that has hit me pretty hard is the idea that B will inherit some of my racial characteristics, but as a transracial adoptee, I have none of that cultural background to give him. I guess I have come to terms with being “ethnic” but I feel helpless when it comes to imbuing my child with any kind of racial identity.

One of the things the group I am in does is a sort of fund where they give money towards adoptee causes, relating to specific needs of adoptees in the group. And they just had a donation that was to go towards the DNA testing kits which give you your genetic breakdown, allow you to find possible DNA matches (if people have registered) and an idea of your medical history. This is something that is a missing piece of the jigsaw for adoptees in closed adoptions as you don’t have your parents who can tell you this. I was thinking I would do it for my adopted sibling and me for Christmas, but the cost is pretty high – around £300 for the both of us.

Anyway this evening a couple of the admin team messaged me and told me they had voted and picked me as one of the recipients of the funds to pay for the DNA testing kits. Initially I messaged back saying there must be more deserving causes, but they told me they’d all voted and picked me! 

I was so touched that when I told T on the train back from the ultrasound, I actually cried. It’s not so much about the money, which is substantial and makes it much easier for me to buy it for my sister for christmas. It’s the idea that someone out there who doesn’t know me in real life cared enough to do this. The donor who gave enough money for several tests for adoptees, knowing this is a big deal for adoptees. And the admin team who decided that out of thousands of people in the group, they wanted to give it to me.

So yeah, a pretty poignant day for me today.


  1. My Perfect Breakdown

    How awesome is it that random kindness still exists?! Im excited for you! And i truly believe you are a deserving individual! And of course I’m so happy to hear that B is growing well!! Truthfully, that’s my favourite part of this update. 😊
    Also, I am so sorry to hear about your friends bother passing away at such a young age.


    • Nara

      Aww thank you. I was so touched by it. It means a lot. And it was such a mix of a day… Everything in one day. Sometimes I worry about those things (I used to be obsessed with fears about death as a kid) but I think we just have to carry on as though nothing bad will happen!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Courtney

    Is that group that chose you for testing public? If so, can you please email me a link so I can donate. You know how I feel about adoption, in general, and I’d love to contribute! I’m thrilled for you!!!!!

    That baby needs to cooperate and give you some good 3D photos! Stinker! Bryson was the same way. He was too fat, though, to leave room around his face to get a scan. Ha!

    You are so, so close! It’s going to go fast now!


    • Nara

      It is on FB and Paypal. The fund is called TRA Cares (TRA stands for Transracial Adoption) and they raise funds specifically to help adoptees and former foster youth. They usually post about any immediate needs, for example right now the funds are being used to help an adoptee who is facing eviction. I was surprised about the DNA testing donation as that was specifically from someone who wanted it to be used for that. (It is something a lot of people don’t get is important because the lack of genetic / medical knowledge is generally an adoptee problem.) Very often it’s to help adoptees within the community who have some immediate needs. Like one guy had a house fire and lost all his possessions so funds went towards replacing those.

      The links are:

      Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      I know, it was such a lovely surprise. Not looking forward to the test but we shall see! I mainly don’t want to have to go on a diet! 🙂


  3. sbach1222

    Oh that is so wonderful! It is always heartwarming to hear of these kind stories!

    So sorry about your friend’s brother, It is so terrible to think of any young life lost.

    Glad that B is doing well, and a little smaller than originally expected!

    Good luck on GTT, not going to lie, it sucks! If you have an option on flavors, DO NOT PICK THE ORANGE ONE! lol.


    • Nara

      Yes, it was such a day of mixed emotions! I have the GTT tomorrow… woohoo, I am going to see what flavours they offer me! haha! Point noted! 🙂


  4. RJ

    Glad the scan went well! I’m also sorry about your friends brother. Its hard not to be affected when anyone passes away but when it’s a young person it’s especially sobering. They are in my thoughts.


    • Nara

      Yes, it’s such a shock. I assumed as I hadn’t seen them in a while that perhaps he had been ill. It’s so shocking when someone so young dies, when they’d previously been healthy. I really feel for her and her family.


  5. thegreatpuddingclubhunt

    Wow a mix of emotions on this post!! Yeyy for good scan and baby B isn’t quite as big as thought!!!! I’m sorry for your friends family, being taken from this world too soon is just the worst. Loving the random act of kindness, I’m sure it will be really interesting for you to hear the results!!!


  6. stealingnectar

    Swooning over your scan and tearing up over the DNA tests. Randomly, my husband and I just ordered kits for ourselves too – we know some history but I want more info and to see all the surprises. I am sorry about your friend’s brother too. What an emotional week!


    • Nara

      The DNA tests have arrived!! I am going to give one to my sister for Christmas. Not sure when to do mine! It was a very emotional week. Followed by this one where it seems like the world has turned on its head…

      Liked by 1 person

      • stealingnectar

        Absolutely. And have you done it yet? I actually ordered some for me and my husband – we just got word they arrived at the facility for testing. I am hoping to find out something new, but we may not. If you feel like sharing, I would love to hear about your results and feelings!


      • Nara

        Not yet! Was going to do it today but turns out I have to go to the far away office so I might do it at the weekend. No rush! I have to generate a load of saliva so I want to do it when I’m relaxed! 😂

        Liked by 1 person

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