Life, death and random acts of kindness (29 weeks)

Tonight we went to see our private doc for the 29 week scan. (Couldn’t do the recommended 28 week, as we were on holiday, so it’s all pushed back a week.) The good news is…

• B is looking nice and normal and healthy and it turns out that the private doc measured his abdominal cavity 5 times and could not replicate him being in the top percentiles for that. He is above average (the little chubster!) but it’s still well within normal range, more like 70-75th percentile from eyeballing the chart, and he said he wasn’t worried about his size as it was consistent with our previous scan with him.
• We talked about how the NHS uses lots of different sonographers and they also measure the abdominal cavity (where they told me B was measuring high growth in the upper percentiles) in a different way, by trying to fit it into an oval whereas the private doc measures height and width separately to calculate the circumference.
• T and I could see B moving around and saw his little face. He has definitely chubbed out since the last time! The doc said that until 28 weeks your baby is developing and then after that he starts fattening up. So it was really nice to see he looks more like a baby. Bit worried as he seems to look like me! Doc even tried to get a few 3D pics but unfortunately B was not playing ball and had his face pressed right up to my uterine wall, which meant you could only see his face in a blur. It was still cool though.
• I got my 29 week mails from various places (The Bump, Mothercare etc) and they keep talking about Braxton Hicks (practice contractions). I looked it up to understand what they were and I realised this weird sensation I get is that! I’ve had those for weeks though. It is weird to think that strange sensation is an actual thing rather than just what I imagined was my weird body.

Overall I feel quite reassured by these, although I’m supposed to go in for the glucose test on Friday. Neither my private doc or my midwife think I’m diabetic. We shall see!

Really horrible news arrived via FB – a friend’s brother had died. I looked into it a bit more as he was young (like half my age) and it seemed like a horrible shock. Apparently it was very sudden and the circumstances were that it was possibly related to an accident that happened a few weeks ago. It seemed so horrible that such a young guy could have his life wiped out so suddenly. I suppose it reminded me of the fragility of life. And how everything turns on a dime. One day you can be here and the next day not, and it’s worth remembering to make the most out of life and be grateful for our health.

Finally, I experienced a random act of kindness today. I may have mentioned I’m part of an online group of thousands of people regarding transracial adoption. I guess I’ve been pretty active there lately – not sure why. Maybe it’s that being pregnant has made me think more about being adopted. One of the things that has hit me pretty hard is the idea that B will inherit some of my racial characteristics, but as a transracial adoptee, I have none of that cultural background to give him. I guess I have come to terms with being “ethnic” but I feel helpless when it comes to imbuing my child with any kind of racial identity.

One of the things the group I am in does is a sort of fund where they give money towards adoptee causes, relating to specific needs of adoptees in the group. And they just had a donation that was to go towards the DNA testing kits which give you your genetic breakdown, allow you to find possible DNA matches (if people have registered) and an idea of your medical history. This is something that is a missing piece of the jigsaw for adoptees in closed adoptions as you don’t have your parents who can tell you this. I was thinking I would do it for my adopted sibling and me for Christmas, but the cost is pretty high – around £300 for the both of us.

Anyway this evening a couple of the admin team messaged me and told me they had voted and picked me as one of the recipients of the funds to pay for the DNA testing kits. Initially I messaged back saying there must be more deserving causes, but they told me they’d all voted and picked me! 

I was so touched that when I told T on the train back from the ultrasound, I actually cried. It’s not so much about the money, which is substantial and makes it much easier for me to buy it for my sister for christmas. It’s the idea that someone out there who doesn’t know me in real life cared enough to do this. The donor who gave enough money for several tests for adoptees, knowing this is a big deal for adoptees. And the admin team who decided that out of thousands of people in the group, they wanted to give it to me.

So yeah, a pretty poignant day for me today.