I mentioned yesterday that I went to a wedding. It seems to be an act of overstatement to say it was a gay wedding, and yet I feel I have to say it, because the beauty of my friend’s special day of commitment is still something that some people think shouldn’t be allowed.
For my part, and with a gay person in my family with whom I’m particularly close, it’s completely unfathomable to me that anyone could want to deny gay people the right to get married. I’m pretty sure that gay people stating their commitment to each other isn’t going to have any effect on your ability to “love” in a heterosexual way. (I say “love” in inverted commas because I feel that people who hold so much hate are somehow lacking in their capacity to love.) So why do you want to deny others the ability to commit to another person? It’s beyond me.
The wedding took place in an amazing venue in Scotland, an old church. It hasn’t been used as a church for many years. It fell into ruins and was eventually restored to the beautiful building it is today.
Both of the grooms were missing parents. My friend was missing his dad, who sadly died suddenly last year. He was very much a part of the wedding, mentioned in all the speeches and fondly remembered and toasted. His dad never questioned him about his sexuality and was looking forward to giving him away at their wedding. His mum was amazing on the day, strong and dignified when she must have missed having her husband by her side.
His groom’s parents weren’t there because they don’t approve of homosexuality. His entire family boycotted the wedding. Can you imagine? On the one hand, one of the grooms was missing his dad, who left a huge gap, who was overwhelmingly and unconditionally supportive. On the other hand, his new husband got married in front of 150 people, “his chosen family” whilst his own biological family snubbed one of the happiest days of his life.
I am glad he has found his family. I’m glad that we were able to share in such an amazing day. And I’m glad my friend has found a wonderful partner and they can build their own family. But I am saddened that it was at the cost of distance from his own biological family.
As someone who was adopted, who has struggled to have their own biological family, and who has grown up surrounded with people who chose me to be their family, it is so sad to me that someone would lose their family over something as simple and innocent as falling in love with a member of the same sex.