Love is love, part deux 

I mentioned yesterday that I went to a wedding. It seems to be an act of overstatement to say it was a gay wedding, and yet I feel I have to say it, because the beauty of my friend’s special day of commitment is still something that some people think shouldn’t be allowed. 

For my part, and with a gay person in my family with whom I’m particularly close, it’s completely unfathomable to me that anyone could want to deny gay people the right to get married. I’m pretty sure that gay people stating their commitment to each other isn’t going to have any effect on your ability to “love” in a heterosexual way. (I say “love” in inverted commas because I feel that people who hold so much hate are somehow lacking in their capacity to love.) So why do you want to deny others the ability to commit to another person? It’s beyond me. 

The wedding took place in an amazing venue in Scotland, an old church. It hasn’t been used as a church for many years. It fell into ruins and was eventually restored to the beautiful building it is today. 







Both of the grooms were missing parents.  My friend was missing his dad, who sadly died suddenly last year. He was very much a part of the wedding, mentioned in all the speeches and fondly remembered and toasted. His dad never questioned him about his sexuality and was looking forward to giving him away at their wedding. His mum was amazing on the day, strong and dignified when she must have missed having her husband by her side. 

His groom’s parents weren’t there because they don’t approve of homosexuality. His entire family boycotted the wedding. Can you imagine? On the one hand, one of the grooms was missing his dad, who left a huge gap, who was overwhelmingly and unconditionally supportive. On the other hand, his new husband got married in front of 150 people, “his chosen family” whilst his own biological family snubbed one of the happiest days of his life. 

I am glad he has found his family. I’m glad that we were able to share in such an amazing day. And I’m glad my friend has found a wonderful partner and they can build their own family. But I am saddened that it was at the cost of distance from his own biological family. 

As someone who was adopted, who has struggled to have their own biological family, and who has grown up surrounded with people who chose me to be their family, it is so sad to me that someone would lose their family over something as simple and innocent as falling in love with a member of the same sex. 

 

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22 comments

  1. sewingbutterfly

    I totally agree. It is so sad to thing that a family would miss the happiest day and one of the most significant milestones of someone’s life. We should be celebrating anything and everything good in this world. We need MORE love in the world, not less. Besides, who doesn’t like a good party?! Food, drink, merriment, takes us away just for a moment from the politics, economics and tragedy we see everyday.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      It was such an amazing, beautiful, loving day. I felt so sad for both of them that they were missing parents. One through death who would’ve been supportive, and two through purposeful and vindictive – living – loss. So sad.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Maternally Optimistic

    I just don’t understand how you could treat someone like that because of their sexuality! It’s awful.
    I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this venue, it looks amazing!

    Like

  3. anawnimiss

    I’m happy for your friends, Nara. Hope they get to live their happy-ever-after dream.
    Also, I don’t understand this shunning and shaming. Who a person likes to have sex with is their business, and nobody gets to have a say in that. It sucks that people don’t see the stupidity of it all. God riddance, I’d say. Better be among those that truly love you than be with those who truly love you as long as you’re heterosexual.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Yes it’s crazy isn’t it? I think you can pick your family. Especially if you have an original family who isn’t supportive. So sad for him though.

      Like

  4. EmilyMaine

    Oh how sad. I can’t believe people, FAMILY, can be so fickle. I never understand that. The venue looks stunning. These two obviously have impeccable taste! Glad you had a great time. 🙂

    Like

  5. flatwhitetogo85

    This is so desperately sad. What is wrong with people? I have so many fears for Baby Flat, but the “flavour” of person he falls in love with is certainly not one of them. How amazing to fall in love with someone and to have them love you back! I just can’t imagine how any parent would choose otherwise for their child?

    I really hope the groom who has been shunned by his family managed to have the best day of his life and didn’t spend a second thinking about his biological family. I also hope the other groom had the best day of his life. It must have been so painful not having his dad there, so it’s lovely that they mentioned him and “involved” him as much as possible.

    x x x

    Like

    • Nara

      Oh I think they had a fab time. It even tipped over into yesterday and there was a good “day after” celebration round the house they were staying at. It was a testament to how much they are loved. I just felt really sad for the groom who had no family there. Even though he was having a great time. It must be sad to think your parents and siblings aren’t there, cheering you on.

      Like

  6. Dubliner in Deutschland

    I have absolutely no problem with gay people being allowed to get married and I also think it’s sad that some people do. Such a shame that your friend’s partners could not put their prejudice aside to support him on his big day! My cousin is gay and came out to all the family and relations when he was 16. I think it is great he was able to be open about it. In the past that would not have been the case. I was delighted when Ireland voted to legalize gay marriage recently, made me feel proud that Ireland has come a long way in that regard!

    Like

    • Nara

      It’s crazy isn’t it? It’s so sad for people that they have to choose between their partner and their family. It’s easy to say they should choose their partner and not care what their family thinks, but I think it takes a huge amount of bravery to stand up to your family and accept such awful consequences. I swear if I ever met those parents, I would have some choice words!

      Like

  7. My Perfect Breakdown

    I am so sad to hear that your friends family wouldn’t support him. That actually brought a tear to my eye. Seriously, what is wrong with people these days?! But, I will say that I’m thrilled there are so many people who were there to support them. It sounds like a beautiful wedding!!

    Like

    • Nara

      They are awful people is the only conclusion I can draw. I was emotional too thinking about it. I said to T, imagine if that was B (or my gay sibling), imagine none of us went to their wedding? What would that make us? It was a lovely wedding!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: NaBloPoMo roundup | From zero to zygote

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