Heart stopped

Over the last 24 hours, the hearts of two people I know stopped.

One of them, my mother-in-law’s, started again. She lived to fight another day.

Whilst I was in the hospital with my father-in-law and sister-in-law, and T was making his way home, unbeknownst to me, my relative’s heart stopped.

The contrast was stark. One – my relative – had been dying for a while. In hospital for months, with advanced cancer. Treatment was withdrawn a couple of days ago. We knew the time was near.

This person had been a pretty nasty person for their whole life. And when it came down to it, it came to one person, my mother, to be there for the final moments. My mother is not even related to this person, other than through marriage, long since separated. She thinks nobody deserves to die alone. Perhaps not, but this person almost did. There’s something really sad about nobody being there for your final days because you drove them all away.

My mother-in-law, T’s mum, had an immediate influx of caring. From her husband of over 50 years, who drove frantically to come and see her. From her daughter, T’s sister, who had to witness the awful moment she almost died (it’s thought she technically did) and was brought back with CPR from my amazing midwife L, on the floor of the pub where I was holding my baby shower. (Dramatic much?!) And from me, her daughter-in-law (well, technically we’re living in sin) who’s only known her for a few years but cares about her muchly. Especially as the mother of the best guy I’ve ever met.

My mum woke me up with a phone call this morning to tell me that our relative had died, which meant I was more tired than usual – I would have turned off my phone but wanted to be sure if there was any problems with T’s mum, they could get through.

So whilst we were by T’s mum’s bedside, my relative died, almost alone. 

And thankfully, T’s mum didn’t die. Or if she did, it was temporary. L brought her back. (L, who now is not only known as T and N’s amazing midwife but also as T’s sister’s best friend in the whole world, and T’s dad’s forever-in-debt hero.)

She was kept in last night in our local hospital, and we booked T’s sis and dad into our local hotel, and then we’ve spent most of today at the hospital. She actually seems in good spirits, although weak. We took some shopping in for her and stuck around chatting. She’s on the cardiac ward and has had CT scans and chest x rays and so on. They think maybe she has a pulmonary embolism so she’s been on warfarin (blood thinners) and is still hooked up to the ECG machine. They think her heart actually stopped. It is scary. They are observing her more, and maybe more scans. We don’t know if she might be discharged tomorrow.

So… We came back this evening and had a mini baby shower. My BFF had included everything in our bags which we had been planning to do but didn’t. So T had a fun time trying to do the quiz (was it my bump or Kim Kardashian’s?! And tasting baby food – which he seemed to enjoy) and we had a nice time opening all the gifts. People were so nice. Really we both felt exhausted – after getting up quite early but probably more from the emotional fallout of the past couple of days.

We’re going to have an early night tonight and hopefully we’ll have good news tomorrow.



  1. sewingbutterfly

    What a dramatic 48 hours! Lots of respect to your mum for goong and being with your relative. She obviously has such a kind heart, I don’t think I could do that for someone who had been nasty their whole life.

    I am so glad T’s mum is okay, that would have been so so scary for you all. Hopefully they can get her sorted out at the hospital. So fortunate L was there to save the day! Kind of cements the fact she was meant to be your midwife for B and that you and B are in very calm capable hands.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. RJ

    I’m so glad T’s mum is recovering. So scary. And sorry for the loss of your relative. You mum is wonderful for going to be with her in spite of her history. Interestingly, at the hospital where I work there is a volunteer program called “no one dies alone”. Your mum’s views are widely shared, and I also believe no one should have to die alone (unless they choose to).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Yes, it seems sad that some people die alone. I suppose circumstances just get ahead of us sometimes (like all the rest of your family dies). It’s a sad thought.


  3. My Perfect Breakdown

    Oh my gosh, I am so sorry it’s been such a dramatic weekend!! I’m so relieved T’s mom is doing okay and shes getting all kinds of testing done and surrounded by so much love! And i am sorry for the loss of your family member, I’m glad your mom was with her, your mom sounds like a beautiful women. Sending my love and keeping your entire family in my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      My relative had been ill for a really long time so we were expecting it. It is such a contrast though. It is sad that so few people were there.


  4. EmilyMaine

    What a crazy time. Sorry for the loss of your relative even if she wasn’t all that nice. A story to remind us all to to keep or crotchiness to ourselves!! Glad T’s mum is going ok. I hope she continues to improve x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Ha, I’m sure I will be really crotchety when old! Already am now! T’s mum was discharged last night and seems to be in good spirits so we are hoping that outpatient investigations find out what’s going on.


    • Nara

      Yes thanks! Was really tired last night so had an early night after his mum was discharged. We are hoping they manage to figure out what was going on.


  5. Dubliner in Deutschland

    I’ve just been catching up. What happened to T’s Mum sounded so scary! Thank God she wasn’t alone at the time and that your midwife was great in a crisis! Glad that the doctors are keeping an eye on things now. Sorry about your other relative.. that is certainly very sad to have pushed people away and then not have many people to be with you at the end..


    • Nara

      It was bloody scary. One of the worst things I have ever seen in my life! I’m very thankful L was there.

      My folks hosted a remembrance gathering for my relative last night and apparently quite a few people turned up. So at least that’s something!


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  7. stealingnectar

    Whoa – this is one of the posts I missed…I am so sorry! How insane for all of that to happen…and it all to fall on such a memorable day anyway. I am glad you got to do a mini shower late and that T’s mom is okay. So shocking! I am sure you’re calm by now but I fee the need to give you a huge hug!!!


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