QBR: Quarterly Baby Review

Before I embarked on this journey, I worked in an office. I’m a not-very-bigwig in the corporate world. And for years I defined myself by it, so I find myself applying “work” lingo to this new and amazing world of parenthood…

Hence: the QBR. At work, the Quarterly Business Review is a chance to look back on the last three months and assess what was good about it and what you’re going to work on next quarter. 

I don’t seem to have any time for blogging nowadays. I never wanted to be one of those infertility bloggers who drops off the face of the planet when they have a baby, but there you have it. I’m still here, but right now I’m soaking up all I can of the experience. 

I have to go back to work early for the UK – usually people take a year, but I’m on unpaid leave (due to starting my new job pregnant so ineligible for paid leave) and this (just over four months) is all we can afford. Hence my sparse postings lately. I’m sure when I’m back at work and have a commute again, I’ll be able to write a bit more. 

Anyway, here goes!

Performance: B’s development

Following the developments a baby makes is like trying to catch a wave upon the sand, as the nuns in The Sound of Music would have it. B changes every single day. It’s amazing to watch. 

It’s totally out-of-this-world amazing and totally run-of-the-mill normal at the same time. I absolutely know I’m not the first and last person to have a baby, but I can also now see why mothers get a bit obsessed. 

Things B can do (not an exhaustive list, because I am not on top of things like that):

  • Smile. He smiles all the time now. It’s like a magic mood lifter. How can you be anything but happy when a little fat baby is grinning a toothless grin at you?
  • Halfhearted roll. He started rolling out of bed – his side sleeper cot, onto our bed. I bought a Sleepyhead bed nest which now contains him. He can roll halfway from his back to his side, but doesn’t seem motivated to roll fully (and we aren’t motivated to encourage him!). 
  • Hold his head up. We do tummy time when we remember (#badparents) and he easily holds his head up and tries to crawl a bit, but is a long way off, thankfully!
  • Dribble. My boy is a world champion dribbler. Apparently this means maybe he’s started teething. He doesn’t seem particularly upset. 
  • Babble. In the last week or so, he’s just started to enjoy the sound of his own voice. T is convinced he can say “Hello” and it does sound like that sometimes, but I think it’s unlikely!
  • Enjoy playing. For a while, I wondered if he was really enjoying playing, but now he definitely does. We do Baby Sensory once a week and he can now engage a bit in activities. He laughs when he enjoys things. And he has started batting toys at his (incredibly tacky) Baby Gym, finally, rather than just lying there and expecting them magically to entertain him!

In short, he is the most awesome beautiful baby in the world and I am fully in love. 

 

Review: Parenthood after infertility/loss

During this whole thing, I’ve always been conscious of being infertile and of needing so much intervention to have B. On the one hand, I’ve passed into motherhood / parenthood and in many ways it feels like something I always was supposed to do. By which I mean, it feels natural. But on the other hand, I’m really conscious that pregnancy and birth did not come naturally to me. And I don’t want people to think it came easily or that I’m not grateful. 

I thank my lucky stars every single day that I have B. It feels like a journey I never thought I’d get to make. It’s awesome. I also in the same breath thank my lucky stars for T, his father and my partner. And Dog, the best dog ever. It is nice to have a little family of my own. Of course I’ve always been a part of my family that I can remember, but it’s weird to have started my own. And even weirder to have someone who looks like me. People comment that all the time. I can totally enjoy that because having been adopted, I never had that. 

I feel a need to explain to people that it wasn’t easy to have B, because I feel like on the one hand it’s hard to imagine him not being there, but on the other it’s weird not to reflect on the many more years I had of being childless with no idea if I’d ever not be. And I want people who are trying to conceive to know that we went there too. 

Does the pain ever go away? I know some people say it doesn’t, and I respect that. For me, it’s immensely healing to have B. That’s not on him. He’s not responsible for my happiness. I just feel that the pain of infertility and loss has become more distant in my everyday thoughts. It’s not “worth it” as such but it doesn’t really intrude because I’m too busy enjoying him. It’s amazing how babies change and grow and learn stuff every single day. I’m in awe. And I’m so happy to get the chance to experience this. It feels like a dream come true. 

I guess one thing this journey gave me was an intolerance of people who complain a lot about having a baby. I just can’t. I know so many who would give their right arm to be pregnant so it annoys me when people whinge on about pregnancy and motherhood. I know they have a right to, but I just don’t like to hear it. During pregnancy I almost relished the back pain and discomfort because I knew it meant he was coming. And now, I have almost infinite patience when he wakes me up during the night or cries, because he’s here and healthy and he needs me and I wanted this. Of course I get tired, but I look at his little face and think, You are so wanted and loved. 

 

Review: Motherhood after adoption

Although I feel like I started this blog to talk about infertility, it became clear that I had many thoughts on adoption, and having been adopted as a baby. I probably have a whole post on this, but for the purposes of this QBR I can say it’s been on my mind a lot. 

It’s literally amazing to me to see B’s face every day and how much he looks like me. I never realised how much I missed having kin before I met him. I have my (adoptive) family and I think we are a pretty close family. And they’ve embraced B as one of their own, because he is. But for me it’s just mind blowing to meet my actual flesh and blood. Finally. 

If you’ve followed my blog a while you’ll know T is also adopted. So B has two parents who don’t have bio family in their lives. He is it. It’s kind of huge but it’s kind of normal as well. It’s a nice kind of normal. I like that he won’t grow up wondering who he looks like or feeling weird for being a different race from everyone else. 

We purposely moved here to a diverse community so he won’t stick out. It’s awesome to see how there are lots of interracial couples here, and lots of mixed race children. I feel a sense of parental responsibility that I can do that – make a conscious choice for him. I was speaking with my cousin who is in an interracial relationship with mixed race children, who felt the same about making sure they fitted in. Racial mirrors are important. 

Crunchy mom score: 10

I seem to have turned into a hippy. My friend the Earth Mother (who sometimes reads this blog *waves*) is my role model here! 

Breastfeeding is this huge thing I never thought I’d get into, but a quarter in (almost a third now I’ve finally gotten round to finishing this) and it seems to be my superpower. I know this is no credit to me and some people just seem to find it easier. It’s nuts. I’m so glad it has gone well. I had the difficulty getting and staying pregnant, the messed up birth, so I deserve something, right?! Actually was totally happy just to have a healthy baby, but I’ll take it. 

Babywearing is another one. It’s European Babywearing Week this week, and I’m going strong! I’m still wearing B in the wrap  but have gone a bit full on down the rabbit hole of babywearing madness. Again something for a longer post but suffice to say I’m a convert to wrapping and I have another two in the post! I’m not really sure why I bothered with the pram as B loves babywearing and I do too, so he screams blue murder if he has to go into his lovely designer pram, but he’s happy to be wrapped like a little burrito and strapped to my front, and I feel like a warrior when I do it!

I want to do both of these things as long as possible and as long as B still enjoys it. I’m hoping I can breastfeed for at least a year, although I’ll have to express when I’m back at work. B is so not into taking expressed milk – we’ve tried once a day to see if he can get used to it, but he has a definite preference for milk from source. In a way it makes me happy he loves me best (as a good source anyway!) but I’m concerned he will feel thirsty or hungry when I’m out at work. Hopefully he will adjust. 

Exit strategy: Going back to work

It’s not so much an exit strategy as enforced retirement (in QBR parlance). I so don’t want to go back to work. I know I’m going to cry my eyes out. I can finally appreciate why maternity leave is usually a year. I honestly had no idea babies were this interesting (well, I mainly like mine… the others not so much!) and how much of a wrench it would be. I’m already less than a month to go and it feels like sand slipping through an hourglass at high speed. 

I’m with him all the time and I don’t want to miss anything but I’ll have to. I’ll pump for him, and I know I’ll do everything possible to make sure he has the best start, but really I wish I could be with him every day, all day. I guess it’s no easier going back when they’re one, though. I hope he’ll take after me and sleep a lot!

Clothes have been a challenge. Who knew maternity and nursing wear seem to be double purpose? It’s so odd that the clothing manufacturers have decided the two go together. My mum kindly gave me some money to buy some back to work clothes and get a haircut. I think she realised how awkward I feel carrying the extra weight and with massive nursing boobs! 

Pre pregnancy I was around a size 10 UK and now I’m maybe a 12, bigger than I’ve ever been (well, apart from pregnancy!). During pregnancy I embraced bodycon because it meant I was actually pregnant. Post pregnancy I’m avoiding it for the reason that it makes me look pregnant! My boobs are out of control. Pre pregnancy I was 32C and post I am 36DD or by Boob or Bust (a nursing site) measurements I’m 32H! Which is crazy talk! I’ll have a few weeks to find some decent nursing / pumping clothes. I don’t want to sit pumping in a meeting room with my top off, or worse still with a dress off, in my underwear! There’s a great fb group called Can I Breastfeed In It? Which I’ve been stalking for inspiration. Sadly most nursing stuff is casual or occasion wear rather than office wear. I’m half thinking I need to make a group for prematurely working mums!

In order to try and get organised, I ordered a Sarah Wells designer nursing bag from the US. Breast pump bags literally do not exist here in the UK. Probably because mothers don’t go back to work until the babies are weaned. Most take a year off. Unfortunately it isn’t possible for us as I’m on unpaid leave so minimum amount of wages (a small statutory allowance from the government which I’m grateful for, but barely pays rent!). Anyway I was super excited to receive it until I got hit with a customs charge of £39! Wtf. You live and learn. That bag better be amazing! I’ll have to post a more in depth review later. 

 

Relationship review 

I’ve always felt it’s so important not to neglect your relationship when you have a baby. And yet I’ve realised in the past few weeks that I really haven’t focused on T so much as B. I’ve also probably neglected Dog a bit as T tends to take him for walks whilst I feed B. I think we are okay. T says he doesn’t mind (especially the lack of bedroom antics!) but I am conscious of it.

We are very loving and in many ways having B has solidified that. I mean, we are inextricably linked now. But we are more tired and we sometimes get quite far through the day before we kiss, which is something I always thought of as important. That said, we are around each other all day – T is on shared parental leave – so we don’t kiss each other goodbye. 

Having a baby and the resultant disturbed sleep (he goes back to sleep easily but I still have to wake up and comfort him even if he’s co sleeping) and probably hormones does make me grouchy. So I need to watch out for that. I feel like my moods are way more loving-whoops-now-I’m-crazy! than they were before. T is very good natured but I’m probably stretching it a bit! I absolutely love being an Earth mother type but I need to develop some hippy vibes!

We got back to the – ahem – babymaking (well it never worked!) right on schedule. Actually a day early after the doc said it was possible after a c section (6 weeks). So we made sure everything was still in working order! But frequency is way down. T says he doesn’t mind, but I feel bad for him considering last few months of pregnancy was also a no go! 

I feel really self conscious of my post baby body – for the first time in years I feel a bit ashamed of my body. Before I was a bit more vain and perfectionist – not to say I had the best body but I felt it was within tolerances and was kind of proud I wasn’t overweight. Now I feel a bit saggy and my stretch marks are still very visible so that’s affected my confidence. It just about passes in clothes but my bikini days are over! So that affects how I feel about getting naked. I am hoping over time it’ll improve. At the weekend we stayed in a posh hotel for a family do so we had a bath – for the first time I didn’t want him to see me naked. But he did and we had a nice bath! I guess it takes time. I still feel massively proud of my body for getting B here, and I know T still loves me, I just have to start feeling attractive again. 

All this makes it sound like our relationship is suffering. I don’t think it is particularly- but I do think having a baby changes it. We are still great friends and we still love each other, but it’s not just the two of us (plus Dog) any more. We are parents. It’s weird to recast ourselves. I suppose it takes time to grow into our new roles. I don’t think I had to love him more. I already did. He’s the love of my life. Having a baby is something a part of us and also outside of us. A seismic event. And we are still evolving. 

 

Next quarter’s focus

  • Back to work
  • Bottle feeding (expressed milk)
  • New house! (Hopefully still happening… slowly!)
  • Relationship stuff (not forgetting to be us)
  • Austerity MkII (because of new house!)
  • Teething (suspected!)

Appendices: In pictures 

If we are friends on fb, you’ll have seen the pics of B. I’m obsessed by how cute he is! Meanwhile here’s a taste of what we’ve been up to lately. 

As before, comment and let me know what you’ve been up to! I haven’t had much time to read other people’s blogs but if you comment then I’ll read! Hope you are all well. X

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21 comments

  1. My Perfect Breakdown

    I loved this update!!!! I was so thrilled to read every single word, twice!! I hope the transition back to works goes better then you expect. And I hope your little guy keeps smiling, because those smiles are the best!!
    One question, how’s your sister? It’s funny, I’ve found myself wondering about her lately, and I don’t even know her.

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah yes! How nice of you to ask. She’s still pregnant and due in early August. So could be late July! She isn’t embracing it yet. Hopefully that they will come.
      I’ll have to send you some photos! X

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Dani

    B is doing so well! He is obviously a quick learner ☺️ I love his smiles too!

    I think you and I will have to help motivate each other out when it comes to pumping at work! I have one day back to work this week as an admin day then I’m off to Brussels. I’ve been pumping whilst A has been in daycare past week and a half. It’s been fine because I can just get in bed, get half naked and pump in comfort! But as the doc said to me last week it’s harder going back to work because you have time pressure, people knocking on door (must put sign outside door not to disturb!) and not have smell of baby (should take some worn baby clothes to sniff! And have a photo/video to watch), so output can be tough to maintain. Plus it’s a faff! I reckon I’ll become a pumping pro by the end of next week….but I think there will be times where I will struggle and want to give up. I keep telling myself it’s for A’s health and it’s FREE (except the pumping parts). It’s going to be tough! But like you I want to make a year! You know the stats in the UK is surprising…only 2% make it to 6mths compared to something like 18% in US. That’s weird because in the UK I’d have thought women would last longer because they have more time off!

    I didn’t buy a Sarah Wells bag because I couldn’t bear the price but I bought the competitor’s one and the one week I used it at work it worked out well. BUT people kept asking me…why have you got such a big bag? Or…’going on holiday??!!’ Then I’d tell them, then they felt awkward-hahaha!!!

    Clothes- I am going back to work shopping and haircut this week too! All my shirts and jackets don’t fit any more because of the boobs!!! I did learn in my one week back of pumping that wearing a two piece is easier. I would take off whatever that top was (non nursing) and get hooked up with hands free pump bra then put a nice big soft cardigan over me to keep me warm and modest! I may even take a blanket next time because the air conditioning is a bit chilly. And what also worked for me is wearing a nursing cami under a shirt. I think dresses are going to be out of the question unless it’s a specific nursing one!

    If there is anything you want from the US let me know I am coming back to UK end of May ☺️

    I’m sure B will always love the boob and he will get used to the bottle. I’ve recently been nursing Aviana just once a day in the morning and I treasure it so much! It’s amazing how flexible they can be. But I have heard stories of nipple confusion and nursing strikes in my breastfeeding support group and it freaked me out…it turns out, so far, touch wood, she’s fine (despite the stresses early on of her refusing g the bottle!) I have everything crossed for you all for a smooth transition!

    I too haven’t been blogging much because I’m savouring these last few days with A and getting things done around the house before going back to work. I reckon I’ll be back to blogging when I’m pumping at work!! Chris and I had food poisoning recently and it reminded me of you when you were ill and did so well at sticking to nursing and pumping…honestly every time I pumped I puked. Fortunately we had milk stored up, but it was awful just for two days I do t know how you did for longer! Kudos to you!!!!

    Like

    • Nara

      Aww, we definitely will! When is your back to work date again? I’ve just had to reply to HR as they say you have to notify them via a form with 8 weeks notice (which is silly as I already told them ages ago when I was coming back and I don’t check my email that often). If they tell me I have to delay coming back I’ll be like… okay then! I need the money though! I’m going to take some hol so I can go back after the end May bank hol, so will at least start on a 2 day week (1 June). I’m going to cry so much I think, but not as much as B will – he’s been super clingy lately!

      I will have to go and buy some clothes next week I think. I don’t mind shopping for clothes but it’s not easy trying them on when babywearing, ha! I just bought a jacket in Tesco last night – that’s what I’ve descended to! (You can try it on whilst babywearing!) I might have to go to Westfield with the buggy next week. Unfortunately B is going through a phase of wanting to be ON me all the time, but hopefully he will cope if T looks after him, as I really need some clothes! I usually wear high necked dresses (so as not to look too booby, as I’m short!) so none of them are really suitable. Plus still about a size larger than normal, not counting the humungaboobs! I’ve been living in JoJo Maman Bebe breton feeding tops but don’t think they will cut it for the office! 🙂

      I really am surprised about the stats for EBF although in the UK they are big on weaning at 5-6 months. I’ve decided I want to do baby led weaning with B, and he’s shown no interest in anything other than the breast so far, so we shall see! I suppose once they get onto food they maybe self wean. I also think there seems to be a bit of a stigma about bf in public although I’m really not bothered!

      The Sarah Wells bag finally arrived! I’m going to have to get my full use out of it but I suppose with the insulated part, I can use it for packed lunches afterwards! 🙂 The pumping thing is a little annoying as my boss has told me I’m not going back to the client for now, which is a lot closer to where I live and then I could sort all that out. I think he just wants me to go to our office which is a long way away, but on the plus side it’s not client facing so I can probably find a room to pump in. I’ll have to ask my buddy in HR. Good tip about the two pieces… I really don’t like trousers other than jeans though and I’m a bit short and squat for skirts, so I’ll have to try and find some, eek!

      Poor you guys getting ill! You won’t believe it but I was struck by a horrific headache last night. Don’t know if it was a migraine, but I was almost wanting to die! I had had a glass of wine at lunch (not unusual, haha) but I think I may steer clear of alcohol for a bit. We shall see! I just can’t cope with being that ill and not able to care for B. T took him downstairs whilst I tried to sleep but I could hear him screaming and apparently he screamed for three hours! Poor thing.

      Wishing you lots of luck for going back to work… I’m sure we will both be blogging more when that happens! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. hazzeltoz

    Re: clothes and pumping at work. I found that two-piece outfits worked best – skirt or pants, and shirt or blouse. With my first baby, I almost exclusively wore a nursing camisole under the shirt or blouse so I was never naked up top when pumping. I would also recommend nursing pads; if you’re like me, milk will come shooting out of your boobs at the most unfortunate times, especially at first. Dresses were hard for me, with the exception of wrap dresses, and I wore a nursing camisole underneath wrap dresses as well. I only had 3 months of maternity leave (I’m in the US) for both babies. Going back to work is hard, but you will get through.

    Like

    • Nara

      Thank you! That makes sense. I’m someone who pretty much always wears dresses to work so I’ll have to find different things as they are not pumping or bf friendly (usually higher necks – I’m a bit booby and don’t like the cleavage!).
      I have a nursing camisole and also some bf vests so I’ll maybe try and get some light shirts. It’s not really my style though! Poor you with only three months! I can’t believe I thought I’d make it on two initially! I really think a year is much better but we just can’t afford it. Most people here take at least a year, so I’m really in the minority here! Thanks for the encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. ashleykyleanderson

    I can relate to so much of this. I also didn’t want to “fall off the face of the earth” but totally did and felt guilty about it. I am trying really hard to get out the ever-growing list of posts I have in my head and my draft folder, but it is tough. Definitely don’t stress about it, but I will say that I wish I had posted even a handful of times more in those first weeks. Things change so much that within 2 months, the things you are doing now without thinking will seem strange to you. It feels like you won’t be able to forget anything but it’s so easy to do. So I do wish I had posts (like this one of yours) to look back on. It helps bring things back and helps solidify it in your memory, and memories are so important to me; I want to hold on to all of it as much as possible. Anyway, all that to say, I applaud you for even getting this much done! Keep up when you can!

    I also have a very hard time with people who complain about pregnancy/motherhood. It is a choice we have all made in one way or another. I get having bad days and needing to vent, but it is frustrating when people never seem to stop complaining or worse, feel like they are OWED something for mothering a human. It’s something I consider a huge privilege, and yet I am surrounded by people who want to be praised all the time for simply being a mom– something women have done around the world and in every generation, often in far more difficult circumstances than the ones many of us live with in the present middle-class western world. When I see stuff like that, I automatically assume they had a relatively easy route to motherhood. idk, maybe that makes me a crappy person, but it drives me crazy.

    And I love hearing about B’s development and this statement you made: “It’s totally out-of-this-world amazing and totally run-of-the-mill normal at the same time.” YES, exactly. I think about this all the time. 🙂

    Also, don’t drive yourself crazy over tummy time. I was told we should be doing it like 7x a day, and we could not because of Ross’ very severe acid reflux. And he still crawled earlier than any of our friends’ babies– way, way too early in my opinion. Use B as a guide for what B should be doing, not anyone else! 🙂

    Like

    • Nara

      It’s nuts, right? I think the thing is, I am just happy spending time with him and I am aware it’s really short so I don’t want to spend ages typing! Plus I only have an iphone or ipad most of the time. I have a laptop for work but I’m trying not to open that very often! 🙂 I wish you would post more too, because I always love reading your posts – they’re so well written. Maybe you could do something relating to writing… Journalist, author?

      I bet it is even harder for you to listen to people complaining about pregnancy / motherhood. I am very aware of the privilege I feel for having been able to carry B, and I think how much I get annoyed with people complaining about things like that. I don’t even feel any sense of missing out in terms of having a caesarean although some mothers report that. I am not willing for people to shame me on that! I just feel sometimes that people take having babies for granted, which seems so crazy for those of us who tried so hard and went through so much to have one. It definitely does not make you a crappy person! I think you are a great person, particularly for how much you do to bring awareness to surrogacy, which is something I for one knew not very much about.

      I’m not too worried about tummy time… tbh I don’t want B to get mobile any time soon as it would be really difficult, haha. He has good neck control and is inquisitive and I can see him developing new stuff every day. It must be so tiring for them! No wonder he sleeps a lot! I LOVED the video you did for Ross’ first year – it was awesome. I’ve been taking little clips of B so I’ll have to try and do one eventually. We also have an app called Lifecake which is cool as it orders all the pics and videos according to his age. I’m glad we can keep in touch, even if life gets a bit in the way sometimes! 🙂

      Like

      • ashleykyleanderson

        You are so sweet. 🙂 By the way, thank you for the card with pics of B! It is on our fridge and hanging just out of Ross’ reach, but he loves to point to it and let me know he wants to hold it (he loves to look at photos). I give it to him for a moment or two but then have to take it away from him again because I don’t trust him not to crinkle it!

        Definitely make a video! I did mine on my mac laptop and it was pretty simple, even for me. Feel free to use the same song if you want, too, because I think it is perfect for moms of boys (it’s called “Hourglass” by Mindy Gledhill). I finished putting it together on his birthday while we were in the car on the way to the celebration and pretty much sobbed watching it. Ross likes to watch it now too and he actually sits still for most of it because he knows it is him– and apparently he is somewhat vain, haha ;).

        I’m glad you’re not letting anyone make you feel shame over a c-section. A lot of that crap is stupid, but the c-section v. vaginal birth is one of the WORST. Ugh, people are so smug with things regarding their bodies and I just want to be like… “You know you can only get pregnant easily/breastfeed/etc. because you have a healthy body that does what it is supposed to do, right?” Like, you do not really have so much control over your body that you can force yourself to get pregnant immediately, so don’t bother patting yourself on the back for it, okay?? I was thinking about writing a post on something similar actually, but so far it just gets me too worked up, haha!

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  5. andthewindscreamsmary

    For going back to work, I agree with Dani – two piece is best. I’m pumping two times during the work day and I wear a nursing tank underneath a sweater or cardigan, easy access to get the hands free bra on. It’s a pain, but you will get in a rhythm and it will get better.
    I have a Sarah Wells bag and love it. I get a lot of compliments on it and it is functional and gets the job done. It gets heavy with the pump o and supplies and bottles, but that’s what I signed up for I guess.
    Good luck with the return to work. You can do it.

    Like

    • Nara

      Ooh thank you! It sounds like they’re the way to go. I have a nursing cami I wouldn’t wear alone (it is strappy and my boobs are just… out of control!) but I also have a couple of nursing vests (non strappy, sleeveless tanks with feeding openings in) which I could wear with a cardi or under a shirt. I just need to find some suitable shirts – something light and floaty for summer, and also some trousers which aren’t jeans! Although I might get away with black jeans!
      Which Sarah Wells bag did you get? I have the Kelly one in black with a white pattern. And a pumperoo with anchors on! Haha, the excitement!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. EmilyMaine

    I love reding your baby updates as there is so much joy in them. You can tell you really are just so happy being a new mama. I wish you got to stay home longer but what will be will be and B will be ok with it. Babies are amazingly resilient. As for the body stuff – don’t stress about it. 3-4 months PP is no time at all. My first was 14 mths before I seriously attacked it and got results very quickly once I did done exercise and got serious about limiting crap food for a bit. This time I am on a similar schedule. I haven’t been saying no to cakes but exercise has been a bit here and there. I’ve actually just booked a PT and start next week 3dpw – yikes! My point being that I am almost a year post partum. It is ok to take some time. The poor body needs to recover from a pretty busy year 😉 It is great you are aware of the changes to your relationship as they means you can do something about it if you feel you need to. It is hard for the dudes I think. Us mamas get so consumed by the babies. It is impossible not to. They get there turn though. Eric arrived home tonight after being away for 24 hours and BeeGee fell over herself with excitement and even gave him his first ever kiss. I’m sure he’d trade some booty time for that so they work it out. Talking about it is great. You guys will be fine. I can just tell!

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    • Nara

      Thank you! Yeah I am really happy. I never really thought I’d enjoy this part so much – I knew I wanted a kid, but I was looking forward to toddlerhood and them being able to talk and stuff, and I really didn’t think I’d take naturally to breastfeeding or babywearing, yet somehow I have. It’s weird. I’m glad you say they will adjust because B is going through a screaming-without-me phase and it kills me to think he might do that for hours when he’s at nursery! Spoke with them and they said they all adjust though. Argh! And I can see about the being consumed thing too… I really feel that I have a different relationship with B now than T does… but I think that will change, as boys love their dads! That is too cute about BeeGee. A kiss! I can’t wait for that! 🙂

      Like

  7. ourgreatestdesire

    Fantastic update but I totally think we need to become fb friends so I can see this precious little man of yours! I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be getting ready to have to leave him. I didn’t get a maternity leave, but I also work from home so I get to be with her every day. So glad breastfeeding is still going well. If he’s going into daycare, it’s almost always easier for us to get them to take it from a bottle then the parents.

    It is harder to concentrate and focus on our partners. Babies seem to be all consuming! A’s a great sleeper and J takes way more naps now than he ever did before we had her, lol. Hope everything goes well when you head back to work and look forward to hearing from you more with the commute. 🙂

    Like

    • Nara

      Yeah let’s be friends!! Mail me (Zerotozygote gmail) and we can link up on fb! I am glad you said that about daycare and bottles. He has three weeks or so at home with T when I’m back at work, and then he’s going to daycare/nursery. They did say they always settle eventually but I don’t like to think of him crying!
      Glad that A is a great sleeper! That’s good! B is generally, but he had his vaccinations the day before yesterday and he’s been kind of out of sorts since then. Hopefully he’s getting back to his usual smiley self!

      Like

  8. RJ

    Good luck going back to work! You’ll figure out the pumping stuff. Yeah, it sucks (not going to lie) but it’s for a short time in your life, and if you’re still enjoying your breastfeeding relationship focus on that! Glad to hear things are going well.

    Like

    • Nara

      Thank you! We have been pumping and I’m not too worried about that. I have a big freezer stash. We just can’t get him to take the bottle, argh! Hopefully it’ll happen eventually. I’m really enjoying bf – I thought it would be awful, but it’s come pretty natural to me, which is a relief. I feel bad for some others in my group who have had difficulty, as I’m sure that’s one of the main things that affects mood. I’ve confirmed when I’m going back to work – beginning of June – so we shall see! I’ll have more blogging time then at least! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. mum100blog

    Aaaaaaaah, tears, laughter, joy and loads of identification with this post Nara. Beautifully written. I love your honesty. I love your gratitude for B and T and Dog! You really do write from a very truthful place, which is very refreshing to read x

    Like

  10. Arwen

    I know you wrote this a while ago but I too am one of those, had a baby, fall off the blogging sphere! I’ve also been totally avoiding Facebook for the most part cos blah politics blah.
    Love this update although BOOOOO to returning to work. That sucks. It’s not easy at a year (or 14 mnths in my case!) and I cried my eyes out, but leaving bub that early as you have to would definitely have been worse, at least he’s off with T for a bit! The whole Nursery adaptation is HARD. Hugs!

    Like

    • Nara

      Ah totally know what you mean re politics – I seem to spend most time on fb on babywearing groups at the moment! Ha.
      I bet you cried your eyes out going back. I’m sure it’s as bad whenever you go back! The worst bit is he cries with T and not with me. It’s tough because I think it feels bad for T. I’m sure in a few years he’ll worship his daddy and I’ll be a thing of the past!

      Like

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