Settling in

Today was B’s first day at nursery (childcare / daycare). Fortunately for me it wasn’t a full day but a “settling in” day. So he was just to go for two hours and that was all. 

We turned up on time (I insisted) and I think they weren’t actually ready for us. Now we live on a big estate and this is the larger of the two nurseries so for various reasons (longer opening hours) we chose this one. But they do seem to be a bit… disorganised. I don’t know if that’s just nurseries or something. I have no experience of it. But it seems a bit chaotic. (Ripe for a bit of business process engineering!) Or maybe I’m just an over anxious first time mother. 

Anyway they were able to do the settling in. First day it’s two hours with parent(s). Next day it’s one hour with parent(s) and one hour left at the nursery and third settling in day is two hours left at nursery. 

There were three other babies when we went to look in the baby room. Although B won’t be in that room because he’ll be in the baby baby room! Ahhh. They’ve just redone it and it looks more like a bedroom / playroom. The next room up is for the babies who can sit up and are starting to toddle. But not many babies go to nursery at B’s age as most mums here take a year off. 

The lady said if there’s no-one in the baby baby room then they’ll go and hang out in the bigger baby room. It struck me that he’s basically starting his school journey! As he’ll be there until 5 (all being well) and then off to school! So crazy to think when he’s only 5 months old. 

B was pretty chilled about it all, but I reckon it’s because we were there and it coincided with his not very fussy time (day time). He looked around a bit, sat on someone’s lap, then fell asleep on someone else’s lap. 

I guess I’m probably more worried about it than he is! 

It’s weird for me right now because I am not really back at work full time. I’ve had to be in the office but I can leave early, plus I can work from home most of the time. For example this week I was in yesterday, and I have to go in tomorrow, but the rest of the week I can work from home. Working and traveling isn’t very pleasant right now as we are in the middle of a heatwave. We Brits love to complain about the weather but it’s truly horrible! We don’t have aircon in most places so we are just all melllllllting like the Wicked Witch of the West…

I think if I was properly back at work I would feel worse, but I feel like I am still with B a lot. And maybe when he goes to nursery full time I’ll feel worse. I think I’ve been lucky so far that I don’t feel we are apart as much as I anticipated and also so far he’s been at home with T when I’m away, so it’s not like I feel bad leaving him with his dad. 

So I guess next week will be the big week. I’ve just been called to work on a bid at work – which is the kind of work where people work long hours instead of the nice quiet time I’ve been having. In one way I’m happy to be back at work doing some actual work. But in another I think… waaah, he’s just too young! I’m trying not to think of it as a bad thing as I don’t want him to feel negative about it. 

We had to fill in loads of paperwork about preferences and care, and it just seemed soooo inefficient but I suppose they need to have a record of stuff. One of the things I am worried about is them not being able to figure out the feeding, as he’s still exclusively breastfed. I had to explain how he has bottles of expressed milk but the issue for nursery is he’s not really in a routine as he’s fed on demand. I hope they manage it as I have made a big effort to pump milk for him and it’s one thing I can do for him when I’m back at work. It’s strange how the small things just seem to matter more now… I would be really upset if he didn’t have my expressed milk for some reason, because it’s been such an effort. 

Trying to put my finger on how I feel right now. I think resigned… I mean I don’t feel as depressed as I thought I would, but I still deeply feel that I would prefer him not to be at nursery and to be with me. I feel that the amount of care given to kids at nursery is so much less… and maybe it’s just an over anxious mother talking, but I just don’t feel they care in the same way. I guess I feel a bit uneasy. Is that normal? I don’t know. 

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9 comments

  1. sewingbutterfly

    Sounds totally normal! I would prefer to stay home but I need to go back to work for money and my own sanity. I do have the 12 months off, thanks to the Australian government. Searching for a daycare centre now.

    Hope B settles in well 🙂

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    • Nara

      Thank you!! Well I think my sanity is a similar level at work or not…! Have to say I kind of enjoy certain aspects of being back at work (PowerPoint!) but less so other things (annoying people asking me to do work!). I would love to have a whole year off though. I guess I just feel sad that he probably can’t understand why he’s going to nursery compared with his hopeful level of comprehension at age one.

      B seems to have done okay on his first day and his second is underway. It will be the first time he’s left with them so I hope he doesn’t get upset!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. circumstance227

    I am fairly sure that you are fretting much more than your baby is. I went through similar feelings when dropping my girls off at “Kinderkrippe” – which is basically “pre-kindergarten”. I didn’t have to bring them there. I was at home in the mornings. But it was such an enrichment for them. New people. New environment . New toys. New experiences. Much more than I could offer them alone at home.
    I realize that your baby is very young – but it is clear that you are doing your absolute best for him and that these new developments will be handled with equal care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nara

      Yes I agree, I’m sure there are benefits and it will be good for him to have lots of friends. I’m still conflicted though! I’m sure he will be doing more than sitting at home with me cuddling him at least!

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  3. EmilyMaine

    Babies do this all the time and are totally fine but I do understand how you feel. When they are so tiny you don’t really feel like having anyone else look after them!! It is just how it is. Listen to your instincts about the nursery though. Not all of them are wonderful. We love ours and I do feel H gets a good enough combo of attention and independent play. If it continues to feel bad or wrong it is ok to explore other options and get the right fit for you. Like any industry some centres are better than others.

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    • Nara

      Yeah I am still a bit cautious. I don’t know if that’s just me. I think there is lots of care and safeguarding, I just don’t feel that a nursery is as good an environment as being at home! But he can’t be at home all the time… I guess it is just new mother over protectiveness…!

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  4. Dani

    Totally normal!! I’ve questioned it several times! But I also think how flexible Aviana will be because she is in daycare which is a bonus. The whole figuring out eating thing? They will figure it out but because it’s BM you don’t want them to waste it either so hopefully it won’t stress you out too much. It’s easier if you are an over producer to not worry about it, I think. But in the last week I’ve learned I have to trust them to do it otherwise what else would we do??? It
    Good luck with getting your teeth into some bid work! It will be good to get the brain ticking again ☺️
    I think it’s great they have two rooms for the babies, I feel like they need that at Aviana’s nursery, but it’s also good for her to copy the older ones who are sitting and crawling so B will get the best of both worlds hopefully!!!

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    • Nara

      Yes! I think we feel the same on this. I do worry they won’t use the milk but I’ve given them too much so hopefully there will be no excuse not to. I don’t want them to wean him without me etc. I think I’m just over protective or something!
      I did an entire bid last week mainly on my own and it was good to get back to it. Ha! It’s easier to work when B is not there too. I find it easier in the office really!
      Yeah B has some slightly older friends joining nursery soon so hopefully they’ll encourage him to sit up!!

      Liked by 1 person

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