Sometimes the message does get through

(Aka: Mamma Mia is still a load of rubbish.)

A few years ago, my friends from university decided to come to London for a girls’ weekend. There were four of us who used to share a flat. Of four, one had recently had their second baby and one was heavily pregnant with their second. And then when they all arrived, it turned out that the third one was also pregnant with her first. Yay! (Sarcasm font.)

And then there was me.

Infertile. (Except I didn’t exactly have a name for it, apart from I knew I had issues.)

They wanted to see a show. I’d said I’ll watch anything apart from Mamma Mia. I hate Mamma Mia.

We were booked to go and see Mamma Mia. Of course.

(For adoptees and infertiles this is the ideal show to watch! Not really!)

During that evening whilst I sat through a load of dreadful renditions of ABBA songs (I like ABBA – I just don’t like Mamma Mia), I necked a bottle of wine whilst my pregnant and nursing friends, well… didn’t. And then another one for good measure. By the end of it I was dancing to the ABBA medley finale like the rest of them.

Back in our rented apartment, after my nursing friend had pumped, we sat around in the kitchen talking and of course they all talked about their kids and I feigned interest on the basis I’d drunk two bottles of wine and I figured the best thing to do when faced with tedious situations like watching an awful show with your teetotal friends was get sh*tfaced.

Matters turned to my childlessness. Of course. That’s what people do… Try to persuade you that you really must have something wrong with you if you don’t have kids. I mean, it’s not like you are woefully aware of your shortcomings if you are A Woman Of A Certain Age Who Is Not A Mother.

Anyway, I can’t really remember what I said but I think in the end, buoyed by two bottles of wine and a truckload of Mamma Mia inspired bitterness, I told them to stop going on about me not having kids, and had it ever occurred to them I didn’t have kids because I couldn’t have kids, and not because I didn’t want them?

I kinda remember they were a little shocked.

And then we probably had an early night because they were all unused to staying up late.

* * *

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I was talking with a mutual friend about childlessness and infertility. Since having B, I’ve always been at pains to stress it wasn’t easy and that I don’t take it for granted. I don’t want people struggling to think that I’m one of those people who just got pregnant without any hassle.

I mentioned in passing that people always assumed that I didn’t want kids and it was super hurtful. And I said, I remember kind of having a go at E (our mutual friend) because they’d assumed it of me and I was really upset at having to explain myself on what was meant to be a relaxing weekend.

Anyway, she said, “I may be breaking a confidence here but E told me about it after it happened, and she said she felt really bad.”

This was years ago and we’d never spoken of it again.

So perhaps the message does get through sometimes… even if it takes years to find out it did.

8 Comments Add yours

  1. sbach1222 says:

    Still, don’t you wish she would APOLOGIZE about it? That is what gets me. She feels so bad about it that she told someone else (who is not you) that she felt bad, but did not express those same feelings to you.

    I am glad it got through to her though. Maybe she will at least think twice about saying things like that to anyone else in the future. Good for you for saying something to her!

    Hope you, T, B and Dog are all doing well!!

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      To be fair, I think they kind of apologised at the time. I can’t remember the exact details as I was a bit tiddly! I’m sure I told them quite rudely as well!

      We are doing great. I keep meaning to blog more but am moderately busy at work and then when B is home from nursery I feel like I can’t sit there blogging! I keep writing posts in my head and not getting round to posting them! I hope you are doing great! X

      Liked by 1 person

  2. mamajo23 says:

    Glad it broke through but how strange not to bring it up!?! Oh well- onward with your glorious life and baby!

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Yeah I think they did sort of apologise at the time but I don’t remember specifics as I was a bit blotto! Haha. Yes – onward and upward! Although I do wish people would stop doing this to women without children. It’s just so unnecessary!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s nice to know that sometimes, the message does come across.

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Yeah, it was somewhat surreal to find that they had actually discussed it – this was something like five years ago!

      Like

  4. tidleone says:

    So glad that it’s not just me who absolutely despised Mamma Mia. I absolutely hate it and I hate ABBA. I was ironically dragged to it in a similar manner, by a similar group of friends, but in Manchester. With similar convesrations as it happens. When will people learn to think before they speak and not to assume anything.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Hah! I thought it was just me! Thanks so much… Now I feel slightly less weird for hating it! 😂

      Like

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