We have a walker!

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Hands up, I’m the worst sort of blogger. But I got landed with a mahoosive bid at work which finishes this week (started back last year and in earnest over Christmas) so work has been busier and life just sort of took over. Almost every day I think, I must blog that! But I sort of got out of the habit. Anyway, here we are!

I’m currently standing in the disabled bathroom at work with a double pump attached to my boobs, pumping… #oohtheglamour – yes, we made it to a year! Apparently this is some kind of badge moment in breastfeeding and “lactivist” communities but I don’t know because I stopped frequenting them when they started pushing adoptive breastfeeding. (Many adoptees in our communities find it problematic. I appreciate that isn’t the usual narrative – more on that later.)

Our breastfeeding journey has been pretty enjoyable so far, although I’m not sure I will really miss pumping. We have discussed it and decided we will go for natural term weaning probably unless anything else happens… This means letting B decide when he no longer wants milk. Right now he still has expressed milk at nursery but he also has water and food, so in time he’ll probably move to just breastfeeding when we’re together / mornings and evenings and at some point I guess he’ll decide he doesn’t want it any more.

We spent B’s birthday in foreign climes when I was off on my conference for work. It was fun in a way although I missed most of his birthday which was also a bit sad. I’m glad they could be with me (T and B) and it was nice for them to spend daddy and son time, but I guess I thought we’d spend it together as a family. We had a nice (extortionate!) dinner in the hotel after hours and B got a cake from the staff so I think he was happy!

We also had B’s first birthday party at home. It was a small affair… Just family (not my sister as I’ve given up asking her to travel as I know the answer will be no!) and a couple of local friends. The boys enjoyed playing in the ball pit. I made a cake. It went horribly wrong and I decided to de-ice it and redo it on the morning of the party – but I guess it went along with the tradition of crappy homemade birthday cakes!

A couple of weeks later, our keen stander decided to start walking! I’m not sure really what you actually count as walking but he’s definitely doing it now. T and I decided that it had to be five consecutive steps (not sure how we decided that – he’d been doing two for ages but it didn’t seem like proper walking) so that happened a bit before he was 13 months. It’s all a bit odd really. He looks like a little drunk when he walks!

Happily it seems that in the whole scheme of things, B seems decidedly average. Now of course personally I think he’s the cutest baby in the world, but I’m happy he’s neither an underperformer or an overperformer. There seems to be a culture amongst some mums to want their baby to be super advanced and I don’t get that. I don’t want to wish his babyhood away! (And I don’t want to hold onto it either – the new things he learns every day are so much fun.)

I suppose it comes back to what I call Post Infertility. Most mums I know didn’t go through infertility to have a baby. They just decided to have one and whoosh! They were pregnant.

I spent years hoping and thinking I couldn’t have a baby. I still find myself insanely grateful for the chance to be B’s mother. I relish every moment of it (even in some weird way, the tiredness and the waking up in the middle of the night because I think: I might never have had this! Although it is hard sometimes!)… I don’t take it for granted but I’m also generally infused with such a joy about it that it feels churlish not to let it soak in: I’m a mother.

I’m not the mother I ever thought I’d be. I was no nonsense. I didn’t think I’d enjoy the first year as much as I have. I thought the toddler years would be the best. But really what I’m understanding is that it’s all the best. I find myself worrying (mildly, not anxiety like) that I could lose it… and that makes me determined to enjoy it even more (whilst also wishing I could wrap him up in cotton wool and keep him safe forever).

As an adoptee it still feels weird to have someone who is related to me by blood. I find it weird to think I actually grew him. But I did! And he’s his own little person with his own personality… and yet I can see aspects of me (mainly my stubbornness!) in him. It’s funny and wonderful and poignant and magical all at the same time.

28 Comments Add yours

  1. I love this. Very sweet. ❤ Walking changes everything! You have some fun months coming up when he will really start to notice and understand some of the world around him. I loved those months after the first birthday– there was so much excitement in every little thing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you! Yes one of the things I’ve loved is that he’s starting to recognise things. And a while ago I realised he could do the actions to nursery rhymes! It’s just so amazing! And seeing your posts about R makes me look forward to those times as well! (Although no way will I ever be as awesome as your historical butterflies!) ❤️

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  2. Hufflestitch says:

    Yep, my son walked at 14 months and was one of the ‘last’ in my mothers group, I get tired of the competition. I am a “he’ll do it when he does it” kind of person because I try to enjoy each stage as it comes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Ooh you changed name! That’s how long I’ve been lax about blogging! Yeah, we know a kid who’s three weeks younger than B and walks and talks already – for about two months! But she’s a girl and apparently girls are more developed than boys. Haha. They get there when they get there. I really just enjoy it and it doesn’t really worry me when he does anything. Was quite glad of the late teething tbh! 😂 x

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  3. RJ says:

    Great job on the BFing. I am still breastfeeding at 16.5 months. I stopped pumping at 16 months bc I just couldn’t take it any more and also I wasn’t getting more than 15ml. I wasn’t sure if pumping would tank my supply even more but A doesn’t seem to mind. She is still nursing like a champ in the mornings, and I let her have it whenever she asks on days I’m off of work. She is not too interested in the evenings either. I’m just letting things stop naturally for now. So I get it!

    Glad everything else is going well. It’s good to hear from you. I am also a terrible blogger. A lot has happened that I want to share but time just goes away from me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Ooh well done you! Are you going to go natural term do you think? I was wondering about it last night as he went to sleep with Papa instead of me feeding him to sleep (I was working late downstairs 😰) and he didn’t wake up until the morning to have any milk! And I wondered if it was all going to end! I think I’ll be quite sad when it does. Although also a bit relieved! I don’t mind feeding but I don’t really like pumping. Maybe I’ll have to stop soon! I usually get like 250-300ml but the past week with the long hours and recovering from illness I’ve only gotten around 150ml. I know that pumping doesn’t really relate to supply though! I ever thought I’d be such a crazy breastfeeding person! 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I wish my dud birthday cakes looked that good! Congrats to all on achieving that first year milestone. It is a big one for everyone involved. You sound so happy and well which is awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Haha bless you! Yeah first year – where did it go? Can’t believe we have a toddler!

      I really need to link up blogland and fb more because I need to figure out who’s who on your amazing trip! It was MPB right? Can’t believe I’m so out of the loop! X

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      1. MPB, The Sky and Back and a blogger from Canada who never writes anymore (I’ve known her for so long I just know her name and forget what she wrote as but it was a secondary infertility blog. They used donor sperm and have met Kids of the same donor too. That might ring a bell if you used to follow her.)

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      2. Nara says:

        Ooh amazing!!! I was jealous of your trip already and now I’m like triple jealous!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Dani says:

    Awwww! Yey!!! Go B! We call A our little T-Rex when she walks, they are so adorable when they are learning!

    Well done on pumping for so long, I’m sure soon you will feel naked without all your pumping gear, and constantly feel like you’ve forgotten something 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Haha omg that’s hilarious. Does she have little arms sticking out?! They’re so sweet, I almost don’t want him to walk properly, ha ha!

      Oh the pumping gear… I’ll be glad when those days are over! Especially the mammoth battery use! 😂

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  6. happy birthday little man 🙂 congrats xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you so much! Xx

      Like

  7. Maternally Optimistic says:

    Awh I’m loving the one year update! I kept thinking I was going to do an update but somehow have never gotten around to it.
    How funny is the little drunk walk? I found it quite hard not to get caught up on the things baby boy was doing, mainly I think due to knowing so many poeple with children the same age. I have now come to realise they just do things when they are ready and have accepted some things will come before others. Baby boy walked really early after cruising for months but it took ages to clap his hands and wave. Being on the move was just much more important to him.
    The cake looks amazing and sounds like you had a lovely time for his birthday xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Aww lovely to hear from you! I did reply but not sure it posted as I was on the train… My year update is closer to a 13+ month update so you still have time! 😂
      Totally get what you mean about the comparisons. But all our other NCT babies were girls and typically girls are more advanced so I don’t bother comparing! Also they really do what they’re interested in! (In B’s case it was mainly climbing stairs and being naughty like that… and he’s a big fan of the hand clap but not at all interested in books!)
      I think they’re all different and wonderful in their own ways! Xx

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  8. Congratulations on reaching this amazing milestone! Now you get to chase him around as he toddles this way and that. Just wait until he can open doors — that’s when the real fun starts! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you! Yeah we’ve been chasing him a while – I’m just glad many things are still out of his reach, haha!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. sbach1222 says:

    Congrats on an amazing first year momma! Here’s to many more!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you so much! Xx

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  10. tidleone says:

    Lovely to hear an update and how well you’re all doing. Where does the first year go?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you! I’ve no idea – everything just whizzed by! I really thought I’d have more time to notice it! How are you? X

      Liked by 1 person

      1. tidleone says:

        Good thanks. Also finding that time just flies by way too fast. Being back at work is okay, I just wish the three days away so I can crack on with spending my two days with the babies. X

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nara says:

        Aww so lovely you get two days to spend with your babies! It’s so much fun! I really haven’t felt properly sad since he was born! X

        Liked by 1 person

  11. hey walking man!! happy birthday to him!! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Aww thank you! He’s running now… No stopping him!

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  12. Huge congrats on one year breastfeeding, especially with all that pumping! I only pumped for maybe 2 months when I went back to work (at 12-14 months). Even with a private room for it I never felt relaxed and never got much milk. EJ quickly transitioned to being happy with coconut milk when I was at work. I just hit my 2 year boobing milestone 😉 He still boobs 3-4 times in a 24 hour period, and loves his boobies! Not sure I’m going to continue to natural term weaning as I have a feeling he’d go to 4 or 5 and I don’t think I’m up for it for that long. But definately until after his back molars come in. Anyway, just wanted to say keep it up 😉 it’s great for their immune system as well as the continuing bond between you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Oh gosh sorry I missed this!! Thanks so much. Yeah I started worrying about B going off milk but then we are currently on a mini break and he wants it all the time! So will be a while yet I think! 🤣

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