ETA: This is apparently my 500th blog post. Sort of poetic!
Well, my blogging dropped off a bit when I realised I’d managed to use up all my image storage, argh! I suppose I might buy some more in 2020 but the current money situation demands I spend it on other stuff rather than posting blog pics, sorry!
Suffice to say the Wedding of the Year was amazing… I loved the whole holiday and we had some great family time, and I managed to fulfil some lifetime ambitions for visiting landmarks and whatnot. Love is love!
Christmas holidays couldn’t come too soon. I finished up work on the 19th and since then have enjoyed having the time off. It’s been so relaxing. And wonderful to spend time with B. He’s at a great age now. I mean I squeal at how cute he is. He can’t say Christmas so he says Clismas, and the same goes for “muddy puddles” (from Peppa Pig) which are “muddy cuddles”. He totally knows his own mind and is actually a bit of a $¥!+ some of the time (okay a lot of the time) but it has its own charm and it makes me feel that it’s probably part of normal development! Haha.
Spent Christmas Day with T’s family and not mine, for the first time ever. It was their turn I suppose. I still found it bad not to see my folks but I saw them on the 27th and we had a nice time. And the other family’s dinner was really nice. T’s sister and partner hosted and it was a very nice family gathering. I had a great veggie option with B which was M&S vegan roast. Seriously tasted like meat! And ate my body weight in cheese!
I managed to beat my Goodreads challenge for 2019! I aimed to read 100 books and I made it 107. Truth be told there were a few slightly erotic ones that didn’t make it to my Goodreads profile, so I probably read at least 110! Haha. Oh dear. My favourite book this year was The Extraordinary Life Of Sam Hell. I really loved it. Also, very different from the author’s other books. But I recommend it. My least favourite was Shantaram, which was awwwful and took me so long because it dragged on and on and I couldn’t bring myself to read it half the time.
My last book was Spark Joy and I’m definitely thinking I have to do something to declutter this year. It’s very intimidating but the book also made me realise that there’s probably an emotional reason why I don’t declutter and sort through stuff. So I really should do that. I think it would make us all happier.
B is still breastfeeding! And cosleeping. At almost 3! Never thought that would happen. Was not planned. In fact I had the photos taken at the beginning of the year to commemorate breastfeeding and babywearing, both of which I had thought would probably stop this year. Well it’s the last day of the year and both of those things plus cosleeping are still going strong. B understands now and is pretty verbal and we have asked him if he’d like his own bed in his own room and the answer was an emphatic No!
I think this year I was off Facebook more than I have been in years. I went back in summer and then went off again. I can’t stand the drama and arguments and horribleness. And I went back just for the Christmas messages but I feel like I don’t need to be on it so much / at all any more. I joined some holiday planning groups as we are planning one for next year but whenever I have checked some of the old groups I just feel anxiety really. I feel much better without constant reminders of negativity. I’ve found Instagram much better in that respect as I think that mainly pictures and public posting keeps everything on a more even keel. My feed is mainly cakes and dogs!
The diet / healthy eating / exercise is officially Off Plan mode right now. The impact has been about 6kg which is a lot! I’m still roughly 10kg down from where I started and I only put 2-3kg over the holiday/wedding but then Christmas and everything and I just relaxed. Also my friend Briony who I do the exercise stuff with (going through chemo) put our plan on hold in December (after being encouraged to by me because she was too ill to do anything, and we have a joint sub that she was holding just for me). So we had a month break.
We are starting again in January and I intend to go back on plan, and I’m quite relieved to have the discipline of something to follow foodwise, even though I’ve enjoyed just eating what I want (cheese and chocolate!). So I intend to drop 6-10kg hopefully. I’ll also be busy at work as a new big bid came in that I need to manage so that will keep my mind off indulging.
Stuff with T is fine although it could be better. I feel like I am snappy at him when I don’t need to be, because he’s easy going and because it’s easy to snap at the closest person to you. I do need to work on that in the new year. I think if we can get the house sorted out that will help as it’s a source of stress for both of us (it’s a mess and we both don’t sort through stuff or have time to do it or get on top of laundry and cleaning and tidying etc) so I hope that I can do better with that next year. I think it is just because I take him and his love for granted and that is crappy of me. And maybe I just don’t have the energy on top of work, toddler etc. We’ve had a good year, don’t get me wrong, I’m just being reflective and self critical here. Must do better.
Dog is also probably getting the rough end of the stick because of being so busy and the fact that he’s very naughty. He is always getting into places he shouldn’t and eating forbidden foods! That dog is completely food obsessed! We do have good cuddles though and I try to tell him that he’s still my number one dog.
Absolutely loving motherhood. This almost 3 age is fantastic. So cute and also so inquisitive and growing. Funny to have a full conversation with my little buddy. Loving this down time over Christmas. I’ve been off but T is working so it’s just fun to spend days together. We went to the Science Museum and he loved it. I can totally imagine being a SAHM. I’d love it. It’s annoying to have to go to work, but necessary. I’m going to be busy in January with this new bid so just trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
B’s due to join preschool in Jan or Feb which is crazy. He’s still not potty trained but I’m hoping it happens soon! (He’s remarkably resistant right now!) Generally he’s very small for his age – in 12-18/18-24 months clothes now he’s almost 3, so I guess it’s not a major problem right now. He’s such a character. It’s funny trying to work out what he’s saying. For Christmas he wanted an “axophone and a picking up thing and a singing song thing”. That was a saxophone, litter picker and microphone. Santa duly obliged. It’s wonderful to experience Christmas through a child’s eyes.
Grateful this year for friends and family. Everyone still here. Apart from T’s best friend who decided to leave this world. It makes you try to cherish it. (Also on reflection I think maybe some of the source of tension with us… It put a strain on T and I guess on me too because he had to be with his friend’s mum, and other friends a lot, and I was left holding the fort most evenings.) But health is something to be grateful for, our own and our friends and family. T actually has some investigations coming up but I’m trying not to panic before anything has happened. I’m just assuming it will be fine, similar to my lump scare earlier this year. (I don’t even want to think about if it isn’t.) Both our parents are still going strong as well!
My friend Briony is still here and still fighting. We are doing all we can. And I’ve managed to spend more time with friends this year, I guess an effect of having a slightly older child I can now leave for a few hours or even overnight with his dad. My niece with special needs is doing well too and that’s something to be grateful for. We’re going to a Makaton show with them in January and we all managed to learn the signs for White Christmas and she loved it! And today we went to Disney on Ice and all the kids loved it and it was just nice to have some family time.
I visited friends this year and had them visit me. Life sort of gets in the way sometimes but I think I was pretty intentional about making time for friends, and getting off fb probably helped a bit with that too! I think I’ve been super lucky to have a nice group of local friends now. I definitely made an effort to put that group together (local women I knew) but it’s been amazing because it’s like a mini support group and social group rolled into one. Of course friends further away are also amazing, but there’s something special about being able to go for coffee or a drink with people at a moment’s notice. It’s a real pick me up. So grateful for that.
I guess you never know what the year will bring, but overall 2019 has been a year of – perhaps intentional – happiness. Notwithstanding the hard parts. We are still here, still happy/healthy, and I’m still ever grateful that I got to have a family of my own. I don’t think I’ll ever stop thanking my lucky stars.
I hope 2019 has been good to you, and I hope either way that 2020 is the best yet!