Saying goodbye

(This refers to my previous post, entitled Today.) It’s taken me a few days thinking and processing M’s passing and her funeral that I went to last week. And honestly, it’s just too hard and I wouldn’t do it justice, so here are some messages I sent to friends about it. Went to the funeral…

The loneliness of the long distance mama

(Title apologies to Alan Sillitoe) Readers, I’ve been feeling morose lately. I’m not quite sure why. I’m fairly sure it’s hormonal and maybe to do with those crazy chemicals rushing around my body, or work being a bit full on and then easing off, or breastfeeding slowing down a bit… or something. In one way…

IVF 2: mind over matter

People talk about the dreaded “two week wait” – the period of time between embryo transfer and the first pregnancy test. What they don’t tell you is that it is far worse the second time round, after the first cycle ended in miscarriage. That’s not to mention the years and years (not 2-3 but 10+)…

Triggery trigger things

I have been thinking lately about what it’s like to be infertile / pursuing IVF / post miscarriage.    “One of these things is not like the other” – © Sesame Street I realised that’s how it feels. I feel Other. Regular readers of my blog will know that I’ve had a whole lifetime of…

Two steps forward, three steps back

I don’t like to post about private private things, but sometimes I feel like I just need to vent. Today I feel like I’ve been making all this progress, trying to get a new job and new house and new fertility (ha!), but it feels like it’s two steps forward and then I’m running backwards….

On grief and moving on

I think the saying is true: Life does go on. At various times in my life I’ve been grateful or resentful that is the case. It’s like: You have this big thing that happens to you and to anyone else it’s just a normal day. You look at people going about their daily business and…

We’re on a break

Facebook has been the chronicle of my life since 2007. I wasn’t young enough (sob!) to have it at uni. I was of the age where we had uni email addresses – our first – that were strings of numbers @uni.ac.uk. I can still remember mine. (A string of seven numbers; I can barely remember…

Things to be happy about

It’s been a tough week but I made it! It’s Friday! I locked my laptop in a drawer and I skipped (shuffled) out the office door. 20:10 and the weekend has begun. This week has been a week of highs and lows. I really did not anticipate all the feels associated with my due date…

Close, but no cigar

Today is my due date. To celebrate, I’m going to work, just like any other day. I’m working on a new client and I can’t afford to miss it. This afternoon, when I’m supposed to be wondering if that was a contraction or something else, I’ll be delivering a client workshop. I’ll be trying to…

Things to do whilst your baby isn’t being born

I’ve been a bit ranty and hormonal lately, and luckily (*sarcasm) for me, it’s because it’s my Time of the Month rather than because everyone in the world is being annoying. (Actually, I think it might be both.) Oh yeah, I’m expecting my period next week. It was gonna be my baby, but y’know, 1…