Remembering infertility

I’ve realised that there is a part of me that somehow wants to commemorate this time, even though I am in the thick of it and loving it – I don’t want to forget it. I read an old blog post of mine that I wrote when B was only a few weeks old, and…

A meditation on wooden toys

Or: Feelings when your 21 year old scribbles on the £90 “open ended play” wobbel board (my gift to him on his first birthday). When this happens to your natural wobbel and it doesn’t come off… – It doesn’t affect usage – it still functions perfectly as a wobbly board and slide and baby doll…

Why are all celebs so bloody fertile?!

Congratulations to Prince Harry and Meghan! I am really happy for them. BUT… Why are all celebs so bloody fertile?! As if it wasn’t enough that all friends seem to get up the duff as soon as the ink is dried on the marriage certificate, the slew of celebs in their late 30s who seem…

Feeling strangely emotional

I think I’ve just started my period. It’ll be the first one since we started IVF cycle 2 – the one that resulted in baby B. I think we started in April 2016! Strange to think I haven’t had one since then! I was sort of hoping I could hold off the periods indefinitely as…

Sometimes the message does get through

(Aka: Mamma Mia is still a load of rubbish.) A few years ago, my friends from university decided to come to London for a girls’ weekend. There were four of us who used to share a flat. Of four, one had recently had their second baby and one was heavily pregnant with their second. And…

The old feelings

Confession time. Sometimes I can be a real bitch. That’s over a decade of infertility for you! Sometimes I feel the old jealous, mean feelings coming back.  I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while and it’s probably just going to sound like a massive whine. But I keep meaning to blog more,…

Pondering post infertility

Today a friend of mine posted an ultrasound picture on Facebook and gaily announced to the world that their baby would be born next February.  I already knew she was pregnant because I was one of the first people she told. We’d discussed pregnancy and whether she should start trying, and how she was going…

Letting myself go

I was looking at old photos of myself on Timehop (God bless Timehop, the regurgitator of past lives!) and realised that I was really skinny. This was something of a surprise to me as I spent a good proportion of my life and most of my adult life feeling fat. It's like a lot of…

One year ago today

There are good and bad things about Timehop. I always find it interesting to see what I did on this day a year ago, and the years before that. Although there are always things we'd rather forget and it doesn't seem to filter those out. This morning's Timehop showed me this scan picture. So strange…

I’d never heard this song before…

Sitting here listening to music on Alexa (“Alexa – play songs by Ed Sheeran”) and this came on and now I’m in floods of tears. And feeling very thankful.  Trigger warning: some serious emotion relating to pregnancy.  Ed Sheeran – Small Bump